I decided to spend the day at studying for my BM trial exam tomorrow instead of wasting my time in school. I'm amazed at how many pple read my blog but fail to tag. MSN message prompts from Jasmine and Jacilyn popped up almost immediately after i posted my previous post. haha!
I just wanna make a short note before i start studying.
The following 2 months are going to be difficult for me because of the VCE exams in November. I'm already devastated that i'll have to sacrifice my September holidays and all my Saturdays. My parents will probably drive out to the Great Ocean Road or Merimbula for fishing, but i've decided to skip it.
The pressure from my exams have also crept into my social life and has affected me in a subtle, but severe, way. I feel stressed out and tired when i talk to my friends, and most of the times i don't feel like talking at all. My friends then start to think that i need some time off just to let me cool down. Because of all the stress clogged up inside of me, i notice that i've been swearing quite a bit recently. I've been praying for quite a few things over a pretty long period of time, but i'm starting to get frustrated because God doesn't seem to be answering like he usually does! There's always a LACK OF TIME. I wanna learn to play a few more songs of the guitar, i wanna spend some time composing more songs and poems for God, i wanna spend some time on a trip with my parents, i wanna talk to Qynn about some stuff, i wanna go for daily 3km jogs, i wanna spend some time in the garden staring up at the blue sky and at the beautiful spring colours! But there's either no time, or i just feel too tired to do anything after a long day at school.
The only time where i can vent this accumulated frustration is on a soccer pitch where i can just run, smile and kick it all out! Then again, i always feel the need to keep calm and composed when what i really want is to run up to a high mountain, shout my guts out, not think about studies at all, and just enjoy and appreciate what God has so graciously created.
I was taken by surprise as i embarked on the book of James this morning. Listen to this!
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials and many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." - James 1:2-6
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that GOd has promised to those who love him." - James 1:12
What words of wisdom!
Test my faith, O God.
Bring me through what is needed
That i may come forth as Gold.
Grant me wisdom
That i may see what you've planned
That i may know how to live
Forgive me for the foul words
And for the bad tempers
For not relying on you
Thank you for love,
Thank you for the cross.