Monday, June 25, 2007

a ride on the train..

We made it through to the semi-finals of the inter-trainline soccer tournament last Friday. The match ended in a stalemate: 0-0 and went to penalties. I thought we were done for when Marcus, Harish and i missed our penalties but Chanana (our outstanding keeper) kept us in the game with a streak of 7 awesome saves in a row! Not only did we keep the shots out, Eugene, Tat, Phan clinically converted their spot kicks and sent us through to the semi-finals! Well done guys! :)

We're playing in the semi-finals tomorrow against the Frankston line. haha! It's going to be a funny game; wish us all the best! I think we stand a good chance of getting into the final. It'll be a dream-come-true if we actually win the tournament. haha! It'll be good to finish the year as Inter-Trainline Soccer Champions!!! Booyah!

Anyway, i was rather bored on the train to school the other day and i jotted this down in my diary:

"Isn't it "elateful" when God puts amazing mysteries in our lives? In my darkest of moments God gave me an unexpected surprise. As one would naturally be, i'm still in a state of semi-shock and i don't really know what to do. I think i know what i should do, and yet i lack the courage to do it. Firstly because i'm a timid coward. And secondly, i don't know if i'm thinking straight. It scares me how an unexpected blessing from God can turn out to be a heartbreak depending on how i react to it; what i do in the upcoming weeks. I'm at a loss. Maybe i shouldn't take things into my own hands like i used to. Commit it to God? Yea, but i lack the trust. It's peculiar how i've trusted him several times and he's never failed me. Yet i still don't trust him enough. Surely what he's done for me should be more than sufficient to win more than my trust. God, help me. Grant me wisdom for i am utterly foolish."

Thursday, June 21, 2007

The Yellow Leaf

I've made up my mind. Remember how i mentioned that i was going to take down all the letters on the walls of my room? I've decided to actually do it, i'm gonna take down 95% of them and replace them with some powerful prayers and sentimental poems that i wrote, which i will print off and laminate on a suitable backgrounds. haha! I'm gonna get some photo frames during my trip back to Singapore next week and develop some photos of my dear friends and myself. A room revamp over the hols. Oh yea!

I've got an inter-trainline soccer match tmr which happens to coincide with an English excursion to the National Art Gallery of Victoria. Soo.. i guess i'll have to "wag" the first 15 minutes or so of the excursion to finish the match first. haha!

We're playing Jin's Belgrave team's going to be a tough game, but i hope we'll go through :)

I'm still aching terribly from the 1 hour gym session on Monday. I think i pushed myself way too hard. I've gotta get myself into peak fitness by next Thursday. ahh! I'll be going to the gym at 8am tmr with James and Andrew.

Oh, i owe Danica this poem that i wrote for her when she left Fungus.

The Yellow Leaf

Summer's fading,
A chilling wind starts to blow.
As leaves start to fall,
So do friends come and go.

Trees grow proud,
As they boast crowns of gold.
But when that last leaf falls,
The trees shiver in cold.

You're like that last leaf,
So bright and full of cheer,
As time goes on,
We'll all miss you dear.

A youthful cheer's lost,
We all heave a sigh.
But we'll always remember,
The time you said "Goodbye".


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Midyears Are Over!!

I've been dying to make this post!

The Accounting exam was relatively easy. I was rather confident when i walked out.

The Chemistry paper, on the other hand, was considerably harder than the past papers.

Well, i just wanna thank God for being there for me through it all... for giving me the perseverance over the tough weeks heading up to the exam. Also to all the friends who shared in my struggles and made it through unscathed :)

Most of you know that i stuck letters that i received from various friends all over the walls of my room. Well, i'm thinking of taking some of them off and replacing them with photos of my friends and i, along with some of the poems that i composed. Ofcourse, they will be fully laminated with some scenic and deeply sentimental image in the background. haha! Well, that's on the top of my mind at the moment. But we'll see how things come along.

I'm going back to Singapore in 3 weeks for my NS testing! haha! I'm aiming to do 20 chin-ups. So that's 9 more than i have to make before the term ends! ahhh! Tommy! Marcus! Banh! Harish! Gym after GAT tomorrow! haha!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

VCE Mid-year Exams

I've got 5 hours to go before my VCE Accounting Midyear exam. It's a shocking realisation that all those 12 hard years of studying all boils down to this; how well you do in your final VCE exam. I should be a lot more nervous than i am now, but i thank God i'm not.

I spent the entire morning praising God and reading the bible. haha! I think i'm one of the most relaxed students in Victoria now.. feels good. Yeah, i just wanna thank all my good friends for all the encouragements i received last night. They all added up to put a smile on my face, i'm terribly grateful :)

I've got an Accounting exam today, and a Chemistry one tmr. So don't forget to pray for me! I need it x.x" I don't know what my mood will be like when i get back from school, but i'm relishing the fact that... the future's a mystery and all i can do to put myself at ease is to commit it to God.

Faith. It's a good feeling to trust God because you know that He never fails! :)

Friday, June 08, 2007

My Grace is Sufficient for you...

Isn't it funny how we often ask God to speak to us, and nothing seems to happen?

Yet He speaks to us at the times when we least expect Him.

I was feeling rather down yesterday morning, but the Lord was gracious enough to speak to me. I didn't expect Him to speak to me sooo clearly! It was amazing!

I flipped open my bible to (what is now my favourite passage) 2 Corinthians 12. Paul talks about "boasting in our weaknesses". And that's something that i haven't been able to do. I'm always hiding my weaknesses behind my strengths!

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of satan, to torment me. Three times i pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me." - 2 Cor 12: 7-9

How powerful is that? God said directly to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness". That really comforted me. The three thorns that Paul speaks about reminded me of real events in my life. I've listed them before in my previous post: Getting dropped from the soccer team, getting rejected by a girl, and my pathetic academic performances for this first semester. I was getting conceited, but God humbled me. Praise him for that. And now, i've got no shame of my weakness, and i will gladly boast about them, so that everyone may know that i am strong not because of my own merit, but because of the God i serve, whose Grace is sufficient for me. Praise God!

The song that i uploaded yesterday didn't turn out too well. I got bagged quite a bit.. lots of pple rocked up to this ordinary-looking blog, but didn't leave a tag. I'd very much appreciate it if you would just leave a comment about the song at least so that i can improve on it! Thanks!

Well, i'm sticking to my commitment to keep uploading songs.. hopefully the quality will get better when i get a proper mic! I'll probably buy one when i go back to Singapore in a few weeks... so stay tuned!

As for now, there's a song that i composed last year, on the 17th of April '06. I was going through a lot then, i can't remember exactly what.. but i probably blogged about it, and you can refer to the archives ---> if you want. haha! But if i remember correctly, i was feeling down because of homework and friends. I was inspired to compose a song as i pondered, "How hard can life be when God is watching over me?"

My Walk

Verse 1
Walking down the streets at night
A gentle breeze blows through my mind
I'm reminded, yeah, i'm reminded
Of your love two thousand years ago

Now there's a longing
Built up inside me,
I can't deny it,
Cuz i'm living for you!

Life, how hard can it be?
When Your Grace abounds
Like a blanket of love.
Lord, when i couldn't see
You carried me through.

Verse 2
The sky is dark, the air is cold.
I don't know how or where to go
I hear a voice, up from above
It says come follow me!

Through the darkest night
My soul cries
"I need you!"
Through the longest road
I know you'll lead me through!

* For my God, who taught me to be humble.
& isaac

Thursday, June 07, 2007

A Tool's Cry

What Paul Wilcox said over the pulpit last Sunday really caught my attention. The title of his message was "Learning to trust God in the midst of hard times". His wife was recently diagnosed with cancer and his young son shattered both his feet and can't even stand up now. But still, he was able to say, "I will trust in the Lord, because i know he loves me".

He said that when God puts us through trials, it's because he loves us so much that he wants to change something in us so that we can become better people. That's so true.

God's been tearing me down a lot recently.. and i'm completely shattered at this point. He's sidelined me from my soccer team, shoved a rejection in my face for the formal, distanced me from all my school mates, made me unconfident about the VCE midyears next week, and just demoralised me so much.

The pressures mounting up because of the important exams next week and i don't want to think about all these comparatively trivial matters, but i don't know why God's doing this to me. Still, i will trust him because he loves me. I have to seek him to find out what he wants to change in me. Something tells me it's humility, or even love.

In fact, i know it's humility. To acknowledge that i can't do anything on me own. That i AM imperfect, and i don't have to be ashamed of being imperfect in front of my friends.

In fact, i know it's love. He's shown me a glimpse of what true love is, and how to identify it. He's taught me to love those in my soccer team even if they've taken my spot. To love someone even if she doesn't love me back in the same way, and yet be able to accept that, and just to love her in way that surpasses an intimate love.

These are all hard changes.. and the trials still aren't over. But God, i will trust in you because i know you love me.

I prayed to him last night because i was feeling down, i didn't expect to be so sad. I asked God to restore unto me the Joy of His Salvation, and then I went to bed early. When i awoke, i could see clearly once again. Praise the Lord! I was happy. I felt a burden lifted off my shoulder. Sure, the worries still remain, but i'm confident.. i'm elated because i know my God cares. The bitterness and sadness i felt from rejection was gone because God showed me a glimpse of what true love really was, i didn't feel like i was missing out on anything anymore.

I posted a month ago that i was going to record a song a day, and post them up so that you peeps can get annoyed with my terribly voice, but more importantly, so that you guys can worship God in a different way. Hopefully find a sentence or two in my songs that really express what you want to say to God deep in your heart. Well, i'm using a really crappy mic, and it doesn't record the guitar well. I'd appreciate a lot if i got a proper professional mic for my birthday! *it's a hint!* :)

So i thought i'd upload it, my first uploaded song.. pardon my atrocious voice and just dwell on the words. You might not like it, but it expresses what i truly feel - a personal song of praise. You can play the song on the top right hand corner. Just double click on the song entitled "A Tool's Cry".

A Tool's Cry

Who do you think i am?
I'm just a man with my head down in the sand.
Who do you take me for?
I'm not a superhero.
I've got my head in the sand.

Don't you understand?
I'm in need of a friend.
Who listens to me,
Who whispers to me,

Those three simple words.
That "I love you."
"I love you"
"I love you"
"I love you"


Lord, i'm standing here before you,
Raising my hands,
I'm crying out to you
Won't you hear me?
I'd be a tool
If you want me to
I'd be a fool,
Just to hear you say that you care.

God & isaac
* When the Lord healed my broken heart and answered my desperate prayer just to grant me enough faith to trust him for those that remain unanswered.
I'm a fool for you. For you are wise and you know what's best. So be glorified with this song of praise!

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Neap-ending Day

I was travelling home from my last session of Neap Chemistry for the semester last Thursday when a shockwave of excruciating boredom overwhelmed me, compelling me to do something productive. I pulled out a pen and a piece of paper and started to write:

"Pulling out a pen and a sheet of paper definitely beats doing nothing for the next boring 40 minute train ride. This sheet of paper was uncreased, clean and spotless before i pulled it out and started scribbling all over it. Shows how quickly an innocent life can be tarnished, doesn't it?

It was terribly cold today. A congested chest and a stuffy nose only contributed to the overwhelming fatigue generated by a long day at school - a chemistry SAC that i flunked miserably and a Chemistry trial exam that pryed open my pretentious "know-all" cover to expose my incredibly limited knowledge of the subject.

It's 7.05PM now. I should be at home instead of wasting time on the train. But then again, what would i be doing at home? The very fact that the VCE exams are coming up in less than 2 weeks would probably drive my head into the stacks of practice exams already laid out for my disposal. I think venting my bitter and confused thoughts in a time of quiet reflection in a warm train carriage, away from the chilling cold wind outside, is a much better option.

There are so many people around me. We're all doing the same thing: travelling on a train, waiting to get home. Yet not one of them shares my thoughts. In fact, all of us would be thinking of something different, all looking forward to something unique. Cool. I guess that's what makes our characters different. What am i looking foward to? I want to do more preparation of VCE, but i know my weary mind will not permit me to. I'm looking forward to a warm shower, a song on the guitar and a good night's sleep.

The days seem to pass so quickly, so repetitively. Weeks fly by and soon what i thought would be an eternity would be just a stone's throw away, knocking at my doorstep. Could i be spending this time any better???? I don't think so.

Why do we have to study so much? I know the answer to that. It's because of the economy, everything's because of the economy. We need to study to surpass all the other potential contenders for that prized placement in that ideal course in that dream university. Hell! When we get to uni-dreamland, we study even more! We study even harder there cuz we want to get a good job that pays well. Hell! When we do get that job, we struggle our pants off and put our socks in our mouths in an attempt not to lose it! Inevitably, we will lose it. "But what will never be lost is the experience," many will say.

Ironic. What the hell are we going to do with this "prestigious" experience? Teach and mentor someone else to do the same thing over again? Yet another repetitive cycle! A "chasing after the wind" as King Soloman likes to put it.

I want to sing a sing on the guitar. Not to myself, but to someone i care about, just to let her know how much i care. I want to sit by the beach with her and appreciate what God has made. After all..."

The train reached the station just when the good part was going to start. Boy, the entire script sounds so emo! i don't know how i'd continue, but i guess i would have written:

"After all... isn't this why God made the sky so blue, the sun's rays radiant, and the oceans so vast?"