First day back.. and i'm already finding it draining. But it feels as though a fresh new lease of life's be injected into my self actualisation. I can see the bright rays of the sun just over the horizon...
God spoke to me yesterday and he sorted out all the confusion in my mind. Strong feelings of love, like, desperation, solitude, honesty, and a sense of being real plagued my mind, and engulfed it in confusion... but they just died down as i looked to God and praised him.
He made me realise that love isn't what i had deemed it to be. It isn't that feeling of liking someone, therefore, wanting to get to know them better, and letting them know how you feel. It's more like.. the love that God's created you for, and for you. A feeling of closeness and intimacy that only can be shared with that one special person that God has intended for you. Well, since that's the case, i wanna keep my love pure... and i've renewed my commitment to God.
It's opened my eyes again, to see gals as friends... good people that you can hang around with, feel comfortable around, have genuine conversations with, without having to put on a pretentious front and acting like someone you're not just to make them think you are.
I had a nice chat with Ruth yesterday, and that reminded me of what true friendship is really like. I was deeply concerned for her, and i genuinely wanted to listen to her, without any force of attraction whatsoever. I love that..
During the trip up to Mount Howqua for the Fungus camp, I looked out the bus window and saw a tremendous sight that inspired me to write:
As i sit by the window,
Many images flash by.
Lowly dull green pastures,
Sieged by mighty hills of high.
Cows grace by, fully ignorant,
Till one looks up to the sky.
As its darkness and gloom,
Fills his weary eye.
More hills i see,
Dark clouds, dry grass, and a lifeless tree.
Then this vast barren land,
Where a river used to be.
Then a strong wind blows,
As a silent prayer leaves my lips.
Dark clouds are split apart,
Marking a bright new start.
The veil is lifted from my eyes,
A rich blue sky and lush green leaves.
Great hills bow in awe,
At the wonders life conceives.