Nokia 3101

My weekend was really full-on. It flew by so quickly that i didn't even get a chance to blog! Shucks.. Saturday was the worst. I started it off with 3 hours at Chinese School from 9 to 12.20pm and then i had lunch with Jin and Harish at Singapore Chom Chom in the city. lol! The food tasted NOTHING like what's being sold back in the REAL Singapore Chom Chom. Man, it's a FAR CRY. Anyway, we proceeded to the Cinema Complex to attend this 11-week Chemistry tuition course that we just signed up for conducted by TSFX (The School For Excellence).

Fortunately, we got a pretty good teacher... but we pissed her off a little by asking her extremely specific questions specially targeted at provoking her mind. loL! And three of us were rushing through the questions in the booklet that she couldn't keep up and shouted "STOP!" LOL! That was funny as! Yea, that was a hard 2 hour session from 2.30 to 4.30pm, but it was well worth it. After that, i took a train up to Mont Albert to go to Uncle Francis' house for CG. Man, i was too tired to socialise... but i had a chat with Charmaine and Tim.

Oh, my parents bought me a new phone yesterday. It's a Nokia 3101. I was astonished when Jerusha interrupted the dance practice and showed me the phone -.-" I wanted the new Nokia 3131... but i guess the 3101's fine.

We finished the whole dance yesterday, but it's still not perfect yet. Shaun wants me to do some soccer tricks for the his dance, but i'm really not confident. Shucks... i could do some tricks when no one's looking... but not in front of 400 teenagers -.-" haha!

Oh.. remember the extremely confusing essay on Replicants that i posted here 2 weeks ago? Yea, i said that it was probably the worst essay i've ever written, but i got it back today... and i couldn't believe my eyes when i saw the 25/25 result!!! LOL! Unprecedented pleasure.

Uneducated Racist Hooligans

It's my second time blogging today, i just had to get something out.

For those who know me really well, you'll know that i absolutely detest two things:
- Gay/Effeminate behaviour
- Racism

On the tuesday two days ago, i was on the train home with Marcus, Harish, Shervin, Prashant and Welson. It was extremely crowded because the earlier train got cancelled this train got delayed by 5 minutes or so. More and more people boarded the train as we passed through the stations till it felt like a can of fully packed sardines by the time we got to Holmesglen.

This wierd-looking Asian TAFE student boarded the train at Holmesglen and he snuggled his way through the mass of bodies before settling at a spot just behind me. He was a little short than me, he wore thick glasses (making him look like a complete nerd), his clothes were 18th century and i could see some odd-coloured patches on his skin.

At that point, the two St.Kevin's students behind me started bagging the crap outta this Asian dude! They were talking about his skin disease and how disgusting he was. They even called him a homosexual. What made it unbearable for me was that the Asian dude could hear everything they were saying... and the students didn't seem to give a damn anyway. They just treated him with utter disrespect. I just felt like turning around and bashing the daylights outta them, but they were about 2 heads taller and me, and the 2:1 odds weren't in my favour -.-""

Well, that was the case before their conversation progress to this stage:
Racist Fool 1: Man, could you move to the right a bit? I may get infected with his disease.
Racist Fool 2: Don't worry, he'll be getting off at the next station.
*Both laugh*

I was taken aback by their comments, but i kept my fists right where they were. The Asian dude beside me looked vexed and worried because he thought that he wouldn't be able to get out the door. He turned to me and asked, " How am i going to get out?"

"Don't worry man, they'll move aside for you to get out," i replied. The innocence in his eyes just added to my anger...

When we got to his station,
Racist Fool 1: Hey, i dare ya to grab his bag!
Racist Fool 2: *Starts laughing and foolishly grabs his bag*-.-"
*Both laugh*

The Asian dude tried to get out the door but he couldn't move cuz of the fools behind him. He got really stressed out then, cuz he didn't know what was holding him back (he obviously has some mental illness too).

I couldn't take it anymore at that point, i turned around and said, "Let him go, seriously."
Surprisingly, the fool let go of his bag immediately, and the Asian dude quickly rushed out of the door without looking back -.-"

Thank God those dudes didn't pick a fight with me. I guess they felt ashamed of themselves. But i still can't believe that no one else stood up for that pitiful Asian dude. I mean, it's totally immoral for them to be picking on a mentally-unstable and weak disadvantaged man! What is this world coming to?

Mental Cage

I really shouldn't be doing this, but i'm blogging from school right now. I've spent almost all my time trying to study for my Business Management SAC tmr. I even brought my BM notes to dance practice last night!!! Man, i think Pete got quite annoyed at my "nerdiness" as i tried to memorise a whole chunk of management theories while dancing.

I feel like i'm in a mental cage with the labels "Business Management" stuck all over it. I'm aiming for a perfect score of 50, and that means i have to make some sacrifices. I feel that i'm neglecting my other subjects, other people, and even my family. Whenever i'm in a conversation, Business Management terms start plaguing my mind! I can't wait to get it over and done with tmr. I can't take it anymore...

This stress has unexpectedly caused me behave differently. I find that i'm swearing a whole lot more, and what's worse is that it comes straight out of my mouth! I used to be able to think about it and decide to hold it back... it's become an outlet for my stress, a filthy one. And i feel lethargic whenever i walk into class and when i talk to my friends.. all i want to do is finish with my BM studies for that day and get some sleep.

Sometimes i wonder if it's worth studying this hard. Do the benefits outweigh the current implications that i'm facing right now? I feel like such a whinger. haha!

Thank God for leaving that smile on my face =)

The Wrecked Surprise -.-"

Jerusha and i rocked up just after 12pm at FGA all ready to give Nick a surprise birthday party. I was under the impression that Jasmine had it all planned out, but i should've guessed otherwise -.-" I had to device a plan(which turned out to be PATHETIC!) in 10 minutes cuz Qynn had to leave to pick some people up. Well, it's the thought that counts, isn't it? haha!

Nick's mum bought the cake along with KFC for all of us! Boo yah! We had a small party in the classroom. It was good to see Nick happy and gay as he unwrapped his presents one by one. I bought him a excessively overpriced poster with the heading: "Shit Happens". haha! it's the funniest poster i've ever seen!

After that, the Pete drove us down to Park X (not supposed to disclose secret info =) ) for a soccer game. Lots of people, who actually knew how to play soccer, rocked up... and we had an impressive game with high standards of passing, vision and creativity. Man, it's been a LONG time since i've had one of those games. The pace of the game was unceasing, and we grew weary by the 90 minute mark... but we played on from 1:30pm till 4pm. =)

We lost the game 2-1. Steven scored the first goal after our team threaded the ball through the eye of a needle to provide him with a one-on-one chance, which he converted with ease. Then wudok smashed in an equiliser an hour later, before Zimmer nutmegged Tim to seal the game off -.-"" I have to mention this dude that joined us named Eric... aww man, apparently he plays in the A-league. He demonstrated some slick skills on the ball, some pin-point crosses with both his left and right feet!!!! What a Legend!!!!

Pete, Jerusha, Shaun and i rushed back to church for dance prac at 4.30pm -.-" Pete was WRECKED, so he took a short nap while Shaun and i slogged it out. I'm actually impressed by what we did today! Oh.. i feel kindda bad right now cuz i raised my voice at some of the gals =x. i really didn't mean to, and i wasn't angry or anything. I was just explaining something to them, but Vernis kept bugging me from behind... and that made me speak louder -.-" Sorry about that gals.

I've gotta wake up at 6 tmr -.-"" shucks... i forgot to sign Yvonne's cast! =(
This week's gonna be hell for me. Two maths tests, a BM SAC and a Chem test. Time to put on my nerdy glasses...

The Love of a Friend

We gave Jacilyn a huge surprise birthday celebration last night. Just before they finished Alpha, Shaun and i walked into the room and announced that we had an extremely urgent message to pass on concerning their safety. haha! Then the lights went off. It was PITCH DARK. We asked, "Who turned the lights off???" as Nick, Jerusha, Jasmine, Pete and Franny walked in with a Choc Chip Cheesecake with 14 lighted candles on top! Booyah!!!

Well, the irony was that Jacilyn didn't know that the surprise was for her (She thought it was for Nick). haha! AND... she didn't eat much of the cake cuz of the coconut shavings that were in it. -.-""""" We should have got that scrumptuous-looking strawberry cheesecake instead!!!

Happy Birthday Jacilyn!

We went to Box Hill for Street Soccer straight after that. That was when things started to get really heated up. Qynn, Jerusha, Josh, Jasmine, Audrey, Keean and i were on one team with Nick, Shaun, Pete, Jacilyn, Tony, Franny and John on the other. Well, we went 2-0 up before they came back with 7 goals to win 7-2 -.-""""" That was the WORST THRASHING i've ever experienced (except for that 11-0 one two years ago). Haha!!

At the "half-time" interval, i saw Nick walk up to Keean and starting shoving him aggressively. The expression on his face said that it was not a laughing matter. It looked as though sometime evil and sinister came over him. His eyes were like daggers that lusted for blood. I grew apprehensive when i saw him shove Keean to the ground. But i didn't restrain him, thinking that Nick was just playing around. Nick gave him a disgusted stare before turning around... i thought all would be fine then but Keean said "Whoa! There's no need to get so violent!" as he picked himself up from the road. Nick turned back and started charging angrily towards him, shoved him backwards more... and to my absolute surprise, kicked him in the waist! -.-"""

After kicking, he was gonna grab him again to inflict more damage. I sprung to my feet and dragged Nick back so that they were about 3 metres apart. I stood between them just to ensure that nothing else happened. Nick turned and faced the other way and took a step, before turning back. He had that unquenchable anger in his eyes that made my heart sink. He took a step towards me, wanting to get to Keean.. but i stood my ground and held him back.

What he did next cut my heart deeply. He forcefully put his palms to my chest and shoved me backwards in digust, and he looked as if he was gonna strike me and i looked him in the eye. I shouted, "Nick!".

He took another step forward before turning around and walked away. I didn't even look at Keean. I was just too disgusted at what had happened.

Would i have retaliated if Nick had punched me? Or rather, should i have pushed him back?
No, even if he struck my square across the cheek i wouldn't have ducked, much less to hit him back. Foolish, aren't i? I guess i love this friend of mine too much to fall into a dispute with him, much less to hurt him...

From the Inside Out

My soul finds comfort and my heart falls into a state of total worship whenever i sing that song, From the Inside Out. It's the most meaningful song i've ever heard... It's a perfect expression of the emotions and feelings all welled up in my heart of praise. I've always been trying to compose songs and poems to express these feelings, but words are never enough... there has to be something more than the tune, something more than just the words...

"Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades

Never-ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise

From the inside out, Lord, my soul cries out!"

What better words can express such a sincere heart of worship?

I really enjoyed Fungus yesterday. Chris spoke about the 5 steps to sin, which i found really interesting... i know it should apply to everyone, but i didn't feel a real need to respond to the altar call.

The gals learnt how to strut during the dance practice yesterday. haha! It was funny cuz Serene got some of the dudes like Gabriel, Alvin and Mike to demonstrate. LOL! Pete, Shaun and i gave it a try too. Personally, i didn't get too much outta that dance prac... but i really enjoyed it cuz Nick brought a soccer ball along and we spent some time juggling. Alvin showed me a song that he composed on the guitar too.

The Fungus Album. Am i the only one that feels God wants to do something big through the album? I feel as though the waters all in a pot sitting above a stove all ready to be boiled, but i'm just one tiny little flame at work. Stanley sounded really tired and fatigued when i spoke to him about the Album, and he told me that it was IMPOSSIBLE to finish it in time for the rally. Sigh... i guess we shouldn't rush it.. but i'm really inspired because JP, Jerusha and Alvin are all composing songs too! And Audrey told me that she had a good song (with no tune =P ) too! Well, the water's all there... BEGGING to be boiled. I'm just praying that God will light the fire.

I feel like i'm lacking something.. i never used to feel like this. I feel as though i've been robbed of every close friend i had because i neglected them due to my endless studies and other commitments. Sigh... i'm really lost now. I want to have a TRUE and MEANINGFUL friendship with all my friends, not just a casual one without any genuine love at all. The problem is.. it takes TIME, which i don't seem to have enough of, to develop meaningful friendships. On the contrary, it goes the other way (ie. friendships deteriorate) if i don't invest enough time in it.

It's something like this. I have to do work, but i sign on to MSN in hope of having a meaningful chat with someone... but a whole lot of pple start talking to me. In the end, i end up with several casual/meaningless chats with different pple, and a whole stack of unfinished homework.

In class, my friends muck around chatting and all... but i wanna pay attention so that i don't have to waste time revising when i get home. During some free periods, i play soccer for a bit and then i go home to finish some work while pple hang around in the city and all. I used to do that... but things are getting serious this year with 2 VCE Subjects.. Sigh..

Getting Nutted...

Nothing feels worse than getting nutted, right out square on. Keean can testify to that =P

After OT Survey last night, i was having a nice chat with Josh while eating a pizza when Keean rudely interrupted the conversation by squirting some water from a Nike water bottle onto Josh's jeans to make him look like he had wet his jeans. Obviously Josh wasn't too happy, and he grabbed the water bottle and wrestled with Keean, trying to get revenge; all in vain. haha!

I was pretty bored... and i thought Keean needed to be thought a little lesson about pants-wetting. So i jumped in the wrestle, brought Keean down on the ground, held his legs firm as Josh emptied half a bottle of water right where it hurts most! LOL! Everyone started cracking up. It looked EXTREMELY awkward... just this massive damp patch where his crotch was -.-"

Well, what goes around comes around...and around again. During the Street Soccer match at Box Hill, Shaun took a full pelted shot which flew so fast that i couldn't see it whiff through the air. The next moment, I heard a loud bang and Keean was going, " Oooh shit! Wooo shit!!! Ahh!!!" LOL! Picture this, if the ball was an arrow, the wet mark on his pants would be the Bulleye!

He was screaming in pain as the full measure of the hurt got sucked into his inner being. LOL! I told him to keep jumping. So he jumped up and down the street, running and screaming at the same time! lOL! IT was hilarious!!!! And everyone just cracked up. Man! THat was good.

Aww.. i think it's his first time getting nutted. Man, i've been nutted several times myself... shucks! The experience is awful... not funny at all. It's like an inescapable pain that doesn't go away even if you lie down, if you run about, if you jump up and down and even if you close your eyes and try not to think about it. Sigh... i'm thinking about VCE again.

Fungus Album

Chris spoke about Faith in Deeds at Fungus yesterday, and God told me that he wanted me to do something quick... to get right down to the production of the Fungus Album. Stanley and i have been rather slack actually with all the other events distracting us.. including Bryan's departure to Japan.

Anyway, God spoke to me a lot about humility too. He warned me that i could get carried away when the new album becomes a success. i don't know how good it's going to be, but God's given me a gift... and i know that i wouldn't have been able to write a SINGLE song without him. So i'm going to put my faith in him to work through me and Stanley in producing HIS album; an amazing album that will touch the lives of many, and bring a small cry of praise to God.

I spent one and a half hours today recording the songs so that Stanley can edit them on the computer. I'm looking to finish production before the next rally, which is in less than three weeks. haha! It sounds impossible... but that's exactly the right situation for God to work in.

Everything is possible through him who gives me strength!

Who'd ever though that 2006 would be Italy's year? Man! I'm seriously disappoint, and my heart's full of pity for Zidane. It would hurt a lot to get sent off on his last match of 15 lustrous years of football. He's a legend in my heart and will always be.

There were some crazy Italians down at MC today running around the station clad in uncanny green, red and white flags. It's a miracle that Italy are World Champs. Shucks... i just smiled as they ran about shouting some random stuff in Italian. haha! I guess i would be doing the same thing WHEN Liverpool wins the treble this year =)

Crying to the Music

I was elated to see my sis sleeping in her room this morning. I just realised that we've been together all our lives, and something would feel extremely outta place if i were to be without her for more than a week. It'll feel empty. Something will be missing.

We quarrel a lot. But, more often, we laugh and chat about interesting stuff. Sometimes i feel that i'm neglecting her... i feel the same way towards my grandmum too. Sigh... i guess you'll only learn to appreciate something/someone only after you lose it.

Ruth and Serene cried so many times today.. Gals are really emotional beings. I can't cry even if i force myself to. The only moments that you'll find me in tears is when i'm before God...

Dance practice went well today. The gals were really into it, and i think that pleased Ruth and Serene. The routine was tough, but we managed to pull through due to hard work and a good show of perserverance. Well done gals, and pete! =)

I'm really tired now and i don't feel like writing. I'm gonna wake up at 4am tmr morn to watch the World Cup Finals - Italy vs France. I'm going with the latter, but i sure hope Italy sneaks it. haha! The tournament has been fantastic, but interest has died down simply because lots of pple hate the finalists -.-""" No one's enthusiastic about the World Cup anymore, save for the French and Italian fanatics. But i hope they'll pull of a terrific game tmr to end of an amazing tournament! =)

Life

The full pleasure drawn from a single breath; life. Soothing music that charms the soul. Bright vibrant colours glistening on the dew-covered orchid petals in the early morning. Colours that fade into a dark abyss of the non-existent from a whisper of death.

That spider outside my bedroom window looked so real. I remember crying bitterly as the baby spiders devoured their mother with no sense of pity or grief. Surely the mother wouldn’t have done the same to her children, her creations.

What hurts me more… is the fact that it never happened. The spider, my hurt, my bedroom, my entire childhood gently stolen from me.

Deckard, a blade runner, had a brief chat with Mr. Tyrell this afternoon before conducting a peculiar test on me. I didn’t know what it was for, they refused to tell me. Mr. Tyrell usually treats me with respect, but he neglected my feelings completely this time. Subsequently, Deckard started to ask me rather strange questions. I tried to answer them as calmly as possible, but each one invoked mixed feelings of hate, melancholy and confusion. I began to grow agitated and exhausted at the same time. I felt that this test was pointless, a total waste of time. The only thing that kept me there was my respect for Mr. Tyrell.

After the fifteenth question, a look of frustration crept into Deckard’s face. It was clear that he wanted to pry into something… something hidden inside me. I felt like a pig on a weighing scale.. I wasn’t going to let him manipulate me.

I went straight to my room after that cruel and mind-provoking test. Those questions… those horrible questions plagued my mind. They were stinging arrows in my heart that had to be removed. I lay on my bed pondering over them. “What’s your mother like?” “Are you any good on the piano?” “What did your father give you on your 18th birthday?” I grabbed my photo box and searched through hundreds of photographs looking for answers. None.

I knew that my mother loved me, but I’ve never seen her. I could play the piano, but no one taught me how to. Mr. Tyrell has always been like a father to me. He has treated me so well that I never had to think of my real father. I needed answers… answers that I wished I had never found.

Betrayed by the only person I truly love and respect. I thought Mr. Tyrell genuinely cared for me. How could he have kept it from me? In anguish and frustration, I sought consolation at Deckard’s place. I showed him my childhood photos of my mother and me, hoping that he would prove that I wasn’t a…a replicant. But he rudely interrupted me while I was speaking, and condemned my existence even further without any pity or compassion, that whisper of death consumed everything within me.

It wasn’t the fact that I was a replicant. What really hurt me was the lack of sympathy. But I can’t blame them both… how could anyone love someone… something like me?

I won’t be around this time next year. Those photos aren’t real, they never happened… but I wish they did. I’m still going to hold on to them… because of the hope they brought. I don’t know where I should go from here... but I’m grateful for the time I had to see the wild flowers in the open field, to feel the warmth of an embrace, and to understand the true value of life.

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Gab and Pete crashed at my house this arvo. lol! I came home from Chinese school and i recieved a phone call from Gab saying that he'll be coming down. We had some snacks and watched Meet The Fockers. Then they had to leave to pick Pete's brother and Vivian up from tuition.

The Hillsong group is driving back at the moment. I must say that i actually missed my sister. It's so quiet during dinner time nowadays that both my dad and Jerusha are away. Man, i thank God for her. She can get quite annoying sometimes, but it's good to have someone your age around you at home. haha! They'll be arriving in Melbourne at 2am tonight, and i'm thinking of staying up so that i can pick my sis up from Box Hill. =) haha! i'm such a good bro.

Jin's Big Friday

School was the usual routine today.. but it rather confused me. I've got no clue at all about how i'm gonna get through next year. I know i will, with God's aid. I've been talking to some friends in Year 12, and they've turned into complete nerds... studying for more than 3 hours every night, studying straight after school. Shucks! i really don't want to do that next year..

I've been praying every night that God will touch Banh, Jin, Phan, Duc and Harish in his own special way. God's been extremely faithful. Duc casually asked me for a bible a month ago, and i gave him one of my old children's bible thinking that he's just fooling around. BUT HE's REALLY READING IT!! loL! that's a greater achievement than most of my Christian friends. He's been asking me lots of questions about Jesus, but i'm confident that God will work in him soon.

Jin's been attending some events run by the Swanston Church of Christ and he's got to know most of the pple there. That's the church that i went to the State Youth Games with. They're having a Big Friday night event tonight where there'll be worship and stuff like that.. Jin wanted me to go and Phan was gonna tag along too. I felt tired and i had to get some Chinese homework done, so i turned him down... but he persisted in trying to persuade me... to no avail.

I just found out that he didn't go, and neither did Phan, because they weren't too confident about the worship bit and i wasn't there to support them. Shucks! i feel so guilty now... i pray every night for God to work and this is how i respond when God creates a spark of miracle. I hope Jin and Phan don't lose interest in the youth group cuz i'll be sure to support them in the future.

God's been so good.. for people who still think that pray doesn't work, think again! =)

Sweet Nasty Blisters

I think it's the first time in this year that i've been able to hit the Soccer exit. I've got a double free period on thursday afternoons and the dudes will normally be playing soccer from 12.20 till 3.15pm haha! I always try, in vain, to get away from the match when the lunch bell rings at 12.49 -.-""

But i'm delighted with myself today. I managed to finish writing another Chinese essay!! Booyah!! NOthing better than efficient and effectively used time =) haha! I'm starting to sound like an economist. Shucks.. i've written 2 Chinese essays in the last two days, and i'm planning to start on an English one after this post.

The heat is on right from the very first week, and homework's starting to pile up. Hope i don't let loose of my commitments now - Beatbouncers and the Fungus Album are top priority.

I just learnt a meaningful lesson, ironically, from the funniest and most immature gal that i know, Yvonne. haha! She's about 12, and she was complaining about getting big nasty blisters on her hands from climbing up some 3m high structures. I told her to refrain from doing so, but she STILL climbs the structures everyday and obviously STILL complains about the pain.

Many times the things that we love to do or the people that we love may hurt us deeply. Chasing these dreams only leaves scars and wounds like the blisters on yvon's hands... but what motivates us is that passion that we have for that particular thing. And it doesn't matter how much it hurts, or how much trouble we have to go through in order to achieve it. We just do it.

That's love.

Italian Pride..

The mX had pictures of Italians celebrating their outstanding 2-0 victory over Germany this morning in sheer jubilation.

I woke up at 5am to watch what was a boring first 90 minutes, but it errupted into a suspenseful and thrilling game in the 30 minutes of extra-time. But i was already so bored and tired by then that i couldn't really concentrate on the match -.-"" PLUS, i left the house at 7.25am to catch the train, thinking that it'll go into penalty shootouts.. BUT the Italians scored 2 goals right after i left!!!! -.-""" i hope this doesn't happen tomorrow. My prediction is 2-0 for France.

Many people don't like the fact that Italy "fluked" it again, but i must say that they demonstrated fantastic discipline in all aspects of their play and their experience paid off. Their midfield employed wide tactics at the start to confuse the Germans. Then the defence sat back and kept a lose line as the Germans picked up pace, but their attacks were like darts thrown against a brick wall. Then they held possession in the midfield through the likes of Pirlo and Totti as the Germans wore out...before initiating the final blows. Ingenious. Well done.

I beat James 3 sets to 1 as Mr. Bushell gladly announced "That makes you No.5". I just gave him a disgusted nod. I don't believe i'm doing this, but after several persuasions from various friends, i've decided to go for it. I'm finally in the school Table Tennis team, and they'll be playing in the State level on the 15th of August. But my position has come at the cost of a good friend losing his... sigh. I really treasure this friendship with James... besides i'm already representing my school in futsal, soccer and athletics. Table tennis just adds to that list.

I don't even love Table Tennis anymore.. i'm just good at it.

God's given me this gift.. am i using it right?

The Formal

School's been, ironically, a quick drag for me... i've never experienced this before. Time's flying by faster than i expected it to be. I find myself miscalculating my time allocations for various homework and all, and i'm soon gonna be driven into overdrive.

The formal's coming up in about a month and its been the hot topic in school. I had the same question flung countless times at me today: "Are you going to the Formal?" haha! It's wierd, but i can still remember thinking that Formals are for the older kids, and that my turn wouldn't come so soon. Yea, i'm gonna give this one a miss though. Simply because i don't believe in spending over $200 for one dinner. The ticket itself costs $65, and to rent a suit would cost me about $80, plus i would have to pay for my date and rent a limo? haha! But i'll definitely rock up to next year's one... i'll save up for my own Formal. I feel guilt-ridden whenever i had to get cash from my parents for my personal enjoyment.

Anyway, i just wanna say that your tags really encourage me and keep me going. Thanks Vonjie, for dropping by despite your busy schedule... and to Sarah, who found my last post touching. haha! Thanks so much =)

Hidden Wonders

First day back.. and i'm already finding it draining. But it feels as though a fresh new lease of life's be injected into my self actualisation. I can see the bright rays of the sun just over the horizon...

God spoke to me yesterday and he sorted out all the confusion in my mind. Strong feelings of love, like, desperation, solitude, honesty, and a sense of being real plagued my mind, and engulfed it in confusion... but they just died down as i looked to God and praised him.

He made me realise that love isn't what i had deemed it to be. It isn't that feeling of liking someone, therefore, wanting to get to know them better, and letting them know how you feel. It's more like.. the love that God's created you for, and for you. A feeling of closeness and intimacy that only can be shared with that one special person that God has intended for you. Well, since that's the case, i wanna keep my love pure... and i've renewed my commitment to God.

It's opened my eyes again, to see gals as friends... good people that you can hang around with, feel comfortable around, have genuine conversations with, without having to put on a pretentious front and acting like someone you're not just to make them think you are.

I had a nice chat with Ruth yesterday, and that reminded me of what true friendship is really like. I was deeply concerned for her, and i genuinely wanted to listen to her, without any force of attraction whatsoever. I love that..

During the trip up to Mount Howqua for the Fungus camp, I looked out the bus window and saw a tremendous sight that inspired me to write:

Hidden Wonders

As i sit by the window,
Many images flash by.
Lowly dull green pastures,
Sieged by mighty hills of high.

Cows grace by, fully ignorant,
Till one looks up to the sky.
As its darkness and gloom,
Fills his weary eye.

More hills i see,
Dark clouds, dry grass, and a lifeless tree.
Then this vast barren land,
Where a river used to be.

Then a strong wind blows,
As a silent prayer leaves my lips.
Dark clouds are split apart,
Marking a bright new start.

The veil is lifted from my eyes,
A rich blue sky and lush green leaves.
Great hills bow in awe,
At the wonders life conceives.

God
& isaac
22/6/06

Love

Audrey's coming over in a while, and we're gonna go on a study rampage - 4 hours straight. I'll probably start now and finish at 6, but i have to blog this. I visited Audrey's blog a few days ago and read this awesome passage on Love and what it really was. I thought that it was very meaningful although i don't agree with some parts of it.. but i feel obliged to share it with ya.

I've got no idea why, but love seems like its just around the corner, everyone seems to be falling into that unpredictable web.

It's wierd. Wierd because i made a commitment to God, but i'm being tempted to go back on it. Hopefully i won't, and i know i don't want to... but my heart tells me that i will.

Have a read, you won't regret it.

LOVE

If you're afraid to love a person because of friendship, you have two choices: either tell what you feel and let the love take place or hide the feeling under a friendship full of pretensions.

It's hard for two people to love each other when they live in two different worlds but when these two worlds collide and become one, that’s what you call magic!

Love can never be so beautiful without friendship. One leads to another and the process is irreversible. The best of lovers is the greatest of friends!

I like you because you are my friend, and because you are my friend I care, and because I care, I love you. I don't love you because you are my friend; I love you because I do!

Sometimes I've asked myself, what would make me happy? To think that I have everything else, I get what I want. Then I realized it was YOU, too bad because it's you I can't have. I can't choose who I'm gonna love, but I also can't love who chooses to love me.

And you can't blame me in choosing to love you as much as I can't blame you for not learning to love me. I’m sorry if you can't love me the way you loved the one before me, so I'll let you go find him/her and hope someday you’ll see the one true love you're looking for was the one who set you free.

“How can I say goodbye to someone I never had? Why do tears fall for someone who was never mine? Why is that I miss someone I was never with and I ask why I love someone who's love was never mine?”

Isn't it funny we're trying to catch the attention of the one we think we love; we hardly notice the one we're really looking for was just there? You don’t notice them till they are in the arms of someone else.

Food for thought, think of this: Have you really cared for someone more than you expected?

Have you ever tried to love him/her despite all the pain?

Will you keep on loving him/her as he/she whispers someone else's name?
Will you?

It's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose that someone with your useless pride. When you love someone, don't expect that person to love you back the same amount. One of you will be head, the other behind. It's either you catch up or the other waits.

When you love, you must not accept anything in return, for if you do, you're not loving but investing.

If you love, you must prepare to accept pain, for if you expect happiness, you're not loving but using. True love hears what is not spoken, and understands what is not explained, for love doesn't work in mouth, nor the mind, but in the heart…

Love is like standing on wet cement, the longer you stay the harder it is to leave and you can never go without leaving your prints behind.

Don't love a person like a flower, because a flower dies in season. Love them like a river because a river flows forever.

Love doesn't have to have a happy ending; cause love doesn’t have to end at all.

Never be afraid to fall in love. It may hurt a lot, it may give you aches and pains, but if you don't follow your heart, in the end you will cry even more for not giving love a chance.

Love may leave your heart like shattered glass, but keep in mind that there's someone who'll be willing to endure the pain of picking up the pieces so you could be whole again.

The cruelest thing a guy could do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall! And fooling around with her feelings like they meant nothing (this goes for gals as well).

-unknown-