My Loving God

My Loving God

How long the Sleep,
To quench the thirst.
An empty well awaits,
Its first slippery burst.

Lifted am i,
On eagles wings.
Whose hands compare,
To the God of all things?

His caring ear bends,
To hear my humble plea.
Radiant loving eyes,
Through heart's secret chambers doth see.

Loving-kindness from healing hands,
Tend to my soul's desperate sighs.
Merciful fingers gently wipe,
The cruel tempest from mine eyes.

God
& isaac
28/2/06

*Thank you God for rekindling the fire in my dying heart, and making the world a little brighter each day.

Quick Break

Okay, it's time to take a quick break to keep track of my thrilling and eventful life.
Thinking back to last Saturday... i met the dudes for a movie in the city straight after Chinese school. The movie, Date Movie, was one of the most random shows i've ever seen in my life. The jokes were so clicherical that the audience felt compelled to laugh. haha!

Oh, the purpose of that outing was to celebrate Duc's, Tommy's and lil Joe's birthdays. We went shopping at Myers and took a short walk around MC. Oh yea, Nancy (the girl that Phan allegedly likes) was working at Maccas, and the dudes started playing a fool. It was kindda embarrassing because there was a very long queue. The outing wasn't that fun, but i really enjoyed spending time with the guys. I had to leave at 4pm because my parents were expecting me for two dinners that night - one that went from 5-7pm, and the other from 8-11pm.

Anyway, i just wanna thank God for postphoning my BM SAC to next Monday. I felt so pressurised on the weekend as i had to finish all the other work on top of studying for my important SAC. I even skipped Joyce's farewell party just to study. Sigh... i kindda expected this when i decided to go out on Saturday. But God has lifted a heavy burden off me. Well, there's still a lot of work to do... so i better get back.

I still feel really guilty because i didn't go for Joyce's party. Sigh... i'm gonna take her out for a farewell dinner with the people on the Glennie line one night. Yea, that'll be good.

I had a chat with my parents last night, and they really wanted me to represent my school for the North Sydney exchange. But Mr.Rothella told me that the Futsal team had already been filled out, and all the team members had already paid for the air ticket. Sigh... i guess i pulled this on myself. Well, i'll go next year...God Willing.

Burning Hot!!!

It's burning hot right now. It's been like that through the whole day. It's good to a certain extent as it gives a reason for not being 100% efficient in my work. Still, the work has to be done anyway. It's an irony.

It's just below 40 degrees celcius... i can't imagine how i'm gonna sleep in this sticky, humid and warm atmosphere. Ahh!!! Fly me to England!!

It was Tommy's, Duc's and Lil Joe's birthdays today - a triple lotto! Anyway, the dudes went to Flinders after school to celebrate. Phan was carefully biding his time to make a move on Nancy, while lil Joe and Jasmine were serving chocolate cake as though they were a happily married couple.

Marcus, Jin, Harish, Phan, Victor and i then went to this posh jewellery shop to buy some presents. Marcus wanted to get this fully-sick (and fully-expensive) bracelet for his precious gf. haha! I bought a present for Joce too, since her birthday's coming up =)

Yea, i'll be meeting the dudes at 1 tomorrow to celebrate the trio's birthdays again =) haha! It never seems to end, does it? Yea, it'll be great fun though... but i can't keep myself from worrying about the heavy workload for the weekend. I was intending to spend about 10 hours this weekend on Chemistry, BM, English, Economics, Methods and General. But yea... i think i'll have to prioritise... i mean, my friends mean more to me than work does =)

Far Away

I love this new song, Far Away. Especially the guitar plucking! I'm trying my best to learn it, and i've mastered the first verse. Anyway, school was generally good today despite the work. I've come to the realisation that i'm gonna have to keep up this hard working rate through the rest of the year. So yea... i'm not gonna complain anymore. It's just part of life, and i've gotta accept having to study for 3 hours every night. Well, Life's still good.

Joce, i'll find the time to reply your email!

I got outta detention today after a talk with my co ordinator, Ms. Smyth. I don't know what's come over me, but i find that there's hardly any energy left in me. People who knew me a while ago would have the impression that i was energetic, youthful always ready to have a go. But things have changed... i can't put a finger on whether it's mental or physical. For example, Ms. Smyth spoke to me like i was some kid begging for mercy, i really wanted to talk back at her, but i really couldn't be stuffed quarrelling and risking getting a couple of detentions.

Aunty Christina, Dawn's mum, came over to my house today. She handed me two presents from Dawn and Grace. Thanks a lot!

Sigh... i feel like i need a boost of energy right now. An inspiration.

God, breathe a new breath of life on me.

My Cry

I can't hold good relationships.
My teachers hate me,
My friends neglect me,
People despise me.

My heart is welled in sorrow,
With no time to shed a tear.
I'm blamed and put responsible,
For something i did not do.

I know my God is faithful,
In silence i wait,
In humility i seek Him,
Do not cast me away, O Lord.

My soul longs for you,
To correct the unjust.
Turn your eyes O Lord,
And still the corrupt tempest.

Pardon my sins,
Replace hatred with Love,
Sorrow with Joy,
Bitterness with Hope.

Isaac
22/2/06

I received a dentention today for being late for 2 Business Management classes. The school's clamping down on truency and tardiness. That's good, but too much of a good thing makes it stupid. I've got valid reasons for those 2 lates...and i'm gonna rectify them tomorrow.

Word spreads really quickly, especially when it's: Isaac got a Detention! Sigh... i don't mind staying back in school for the one and a half hour detention. I mean, i'm gonna be at home doing work anyway, but...i don't want to be convicted for something i didn't do!

This girl on the train called me an idiot for not moving my back away to clear some space for an old lady to walk through. I was in a daze then, but a lot of bitterness welled up in my heart when she said that. I don't know, but i hate being in people's bad books... especially when i don't deserve it.

But thinking back, i shouldn't have been angry or upset. I should have said something like, "Relax spicy pea, it's not the end of the world!"

I want to be joyful...not bogged down and paralysed with the pressures of work, and other stuff that i don't even deserve.

Alright, i've gotta get back to hacking away at the ever-growing workload.


"Yet this i call to mind and therefore i have Hope:
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."
-Lamentations 3:21-22

Crumbling...crumbling...crumbling...still hanging on

I'm crumbling, yes, as i title continuously and irritatingly repeats. I feel as though i'm shrinking everyday, getting crushed by the excessive workload that i'm getting from my 7 subjects. People warned me that it's gonna be extremely hard work with 7 subjects, and told me not to take it up. But i guess i'm asking for it. Sigh...

The family's gonna drive to Sorento with Joel, Rachel and Aunty Pauline tomorrow, while i'll be at home trying to loosen my heavy workload. Sigh... the mountain looks dead daunting, but i know that i'll still be hanging on no matter what.

Despite my efforts, i've been getting ordinary results for my BM, Methods and General tests. Not good, and not bad either. Sigh.. perhaps i'm too used to excellence. Maybe i'm falling backwards.

Harish actually said, "Isaac, don't look so dull."

I should be full of joy, not sorrow... the clear effects of crumbling... of pressure.

Still...

=)

Quiet Anguish

Just when all's going well and as i'm starting to get a hold on my studies, dumb situations fling themselves onto my path as though the sole purpose of their exsistence was to piss me off. Sigh... i got bombarded by these situation through today - got reprimanded by Mr. Dowling for coming 2 minutes late to class, getting bagged by Jase for no reason when i wasn't in a good mood, getting picked upon by Mr. Janus, and getting bagged by Tommy cuz of his arrogance. haha! The list goes on...and they really stirr up a lot of quiet anguish within my soul.

I really felt as if i was gonna explode, especially when Jase kept tormenting me with his immature comments -.-"" I don't know what got over him. He just HAD to dampen my bad spirits. I know there's absolutely no reason for me to get pissed, or angry at such situations, but as i said before, it conjures up this...silent regret and remorse which leads to mild anguish, and then to anger and hatred.

haha! I just realised that all i've got to do is to laugh at it. To laugh in the serpent's face, to giggle at a spiteful blow, and to smile despite the darkness.

As i expected, i didn't make it into the North Sydney Futsal team due to Politics -.-""" Only 3 Year 11s got into the team - Turk, Kev and Johnny. Sigh... the dudes have told me to go speak to Mr. Rotella or Greg(the biased captain), but i really can't be stuffed begging then to let me into the team. Apparently their in desperate need for some players right now cuz some of the Year 12s dropped out. This my sound proud, but the only way i'm gonna join the team is if i'm approached by one of them... i'm not gonna plead.

Swimming Carnival

It was a long walk to MSAC, but the atmosphere was exploding at our annual House Swimming Carnival this afternoon. Although i was swimming in the Under-16 age group, with boys one year below my grade, i still felt rather nervous before my race. Time seemed to tick by so quickly... i wasn't allowed to wear my Waveline swim shorts, and i thought i was going to be disqualified, but Trent was kind enough to lend me his bathers just in the nick of time. haha! I was wearing something underneath though! Yea... sometimes you realise who your true friends are when a desperate need arises.

Anyway, we went on to win the 50 x 4 B-Relay in style. We had a few seconds to spare. The first-placed ribbons we received were so dodgy! Despite our triumphant victory, the rest of the Yarra men failed to impress as we finished last. -.-" LAST! That's utter humiliation for a house such as Yarra. Sigh.. It doesn't matter if a few fingers are active, it takes the whole hand to make things work.

I really can't be stuffed studying right now. I know that i should probably read up on some business news, but the swim today has just sucked all the energy outta my body. I'll just send a few emails. Btw, i've got your email Joce, just give me a while more to reply ya!

Erm... read the story that i wrote below! It's entitled "Big Baby Steps". You'll love it! =)

Big Baby Steps

It was Ryan's birthday yesterday, so my mum invited his family over for tea this arvo. She prepared a scrumptous apple sponge cakes. Ooh...i'm gonna have a bit more after blogging. Anyway, Fungus went well today. God actually spoke to me, and he revealed some flaws in my life that i had been unwary of.

I tend to gossip, and i find that i enjoy doing it. But i'm going to stop that from now on... i depise it. I've also been careless with my words, and i'm gonna try to stop swearing for good; be it "shit", "crap" or anything vulgar. God, help me to change.

I've been really busy the past few days writing up this English essay on Childhood and Transition. I don't normally spend this much time on an essay, but i fell in love with the topic - Childhood and Transition. It just caused a paroxysm of emotion and sentimental feeling to gush up my sternum and into my innermost being. I was overwhelmed with sweet memories, as well as a jaunty sense of accomplishment =) haha!

Please read the essay that i wrote about my life. You may be pretty surprised, but it's not entirely true!!! Enjoy! =)

Big Baby Steps

Impatient, selfish, petty and immature – words that would amply describe my character a few years back. It was just a while ago when I was a naïve Year 4 student at St. Andrews' Junior School. I was not a very sociable person, in fact, I was a little hypocrite. I had three different personalities: I played the teacher’s pet in class, but was a rascal in Sunday school. When around friends, I would put on the bold front, with an I-couldn’t-care-less look imprinted on my face, when what I really longed for was social-interaction.

I was a natural sprinter, strong and agile on the monkey bars and a wiz at Science. It may seem somewhat weird, but I was actually striving to be kind and humble. Although, I stuck to my strict quota on bragging, I looked at show-offs with utter indignation instead of love. I soon lost most of the kindness in my heart after being taken advantage of numerous times. My loans were deemed as money-giveaways, and my help was regarded as free-labour.

My mind cramps up with reproach and shame whenever I recall how immature and selfish I was back then. The enmity I had with my twin-sister, Jerusha, was an unquenchable forest fire. There was not a single day that went by without a heated argument. I got irritated at how she would coat the tap with saliva whenever she brushed her teeth. I got mad whenever she received a bigger present than I did. I selfishly wanted more than what she had. I did not care how hard my parents worked or how they felt. All I knew was that I needed them to provide me with more.

I was trapped in a web of immaturity. All children are victims of it, some escape unscathed; others get scarred in the process, while some never leave it. Fortunately, it only took three hard yanks to free me from it.

The first one came when I was 12. I was attending a Christian youth group, called the Saltshakers, formed by 20 or so high-schoolers. As I was one of the youngest in the group, I found it extremely hard to fit in. Thus, I picked up a truculent attitude towards the Saltshakers. I foolishly flooded the Saltshaker internet forum with all sorts of imbecilic and immature comments just to attract attention. I started to abuse several youth members, especially a girl named Jocelyn, with crass vulgarities; something which I had never ever dreamed of doing. The situation deteriorated until Shaun, an older youth that I had always respected, put a peremptory statement to the argument. The words, “Act your age” rang through my head and galvanized my mind. I began to look at myself in a totally different way, and realised how immature I had been. I thought how I would have looked like through the eyes of the younger kids at church. I remember groveling in the corner of my bedroom mewling bitterly. Despite my state of abjection, my heart was overwhelmed by ardour as I made a commitment to change for the better. I was sedulous in my attempt to be more loving, caring, chary of foul words, and solicitous about my actions. Not long after that incident, Jocelyn (the girl I quarreled with in the forum) and I become best of friends.

The next “big yank” came in the most unexpected form – Jocelyn’s sister, Lydia. She was not the most beauteous girl in the world, but I admired her unique character and her gentle behaviour. I remember sending her a tonne of text messages, and chatting to her over the phone. I had had previous “love” experiences, but none of them felt so genuine and true. However, our blossoming relationship was shattered after my parents decided to migrate to Australia. I was utterly devastated initially, but I learnt to accept the things that went against my will. This relationship really taught me valuable lessons about true love, commitment and dedication.

As I was finally finding a strong foothold to maturity, I began to query about the meaning and purpose of life. It was then that I realised that I had never taken God seriously. I was determined to change that, but I had to know if He was real. So, I prayed for Him to reveal Himself to me; and He did! He miraculously healed my badly sprained knee, and showed me many other amazing signs which boosted my faith in him. When I was younger, I postulated that life was all about making it rich, finding true love and enjoying a happy retirement. However, I found divine love from Jesus Christ, a new hope, and the gift of salvation.

Now I see life as a long and curvy road. Every step you take is an uncertain and risky process of transition. But when I turn around to look back, I want to recall the sweet memories and bitter trials at every corner, and every bend along the way. But most of all, to treasure the ones who raised me on their shoulders, and gave me new eyes.

Fussy Wussy

I don't like indecisiveness. I detest it because it's a waste of time, and it confuses people. But i find myself being caught in a web of fussiness, in a tight tug-of-war. On one side, my friends and my passions are pulling me towards going for the North Sydney Exchange. On the other, my academic persuits, the cost, and the liabilities of taking a billet are telling me otherwise. Haiz... i made up my mind not to go last night, but i'm having second thoughts right now since Tommy's going too.

Politics. Why does everything have to revolve around that? Sigh... i kindda hate it. I really do. It comes into play even in the Futsal selections for North Sydney. If you don't know the captain, some Year 12 dude named Greg, your chances of getting into the team are as close as the two ends of the Great Wall.

I'm not the kindda person that likes to showboat on the field... i just do what's neccessary to get the job done. I prefer to let my feet do the talking, instead of babbling on and on about how good i am. So i don't think i'll be able to make it into the Futsal team even if i'm way better than the Year 12s skill-wise. Politics.

My forecast for the weekend is about 15 hours of work -.-" I've been doing homework through recess and lunch for the past three days, and i never seem to be able to get on top of my work. Jase's getting pretty pissed cuz i've been missing his "clean sheets". haha! Whenever i get high enough to see the top of the tall stack of books, my teachers never fail to add more to it -.-" I wonder when i'll be able to get to the top.

My sister called Lydia just then. I've come to realise that time is so precious. If i get an hour or two free from my homework, i'll treasure it. I spent an hour and a half with my sis after school today at MC, shopping for a present for Tab's birthday. My sis called Lyd, and i got to speak to her for 5 mins or so.

I mean.. i've learnt to treasure these moments more, now that time becomes so limited.

Slack Off? Dream On!

I never expected the jump from Year 10 to 11 to be so massive. It's really hit me quick and sudden, like a bolt of lightning. I haven't been able to blog in the past 6 days solely because of the heavy amount of school work. Sigh... it's only the 2nd week of school and i'm already running outta petrol.

But i thank God for my friends though. I kindda feel that we're all in this together, and they do support me. We had athletics trials yesterday. I jumped 5m for the long jump, ran 12.4s for 100m, and 1.07min for 400m. These scores are pretty dissapointing actually, especially for the runs. But everyone had funny timings, so i guess i can blame the dodgy time-takers =)) haha! I hope i'll be able to run for my House and for the school Aths team.

I went for the North Sydney Futsal trials during my two study periods today. The dudes - Turk, Tommy, Jin, Jase, Duc, Kev, Darryn, lil Joe, Laios and Johnny - were there as well. But most of them had no intention of representing the school for the North Sydney Exchange, they just wanted to have some fun. haha!

Anyway, the Year 12s formed two teams, and so did the Year 11s. We had a rotational system - winner in, loser out; while Mr. Rotella watched us closely from the bench. The team i was in wasn't the best, but we managed to beat all the others =) haha! Thanks to sheer committment from Jin, Jase, Duc and Darren. I hope i get selected.

The North Sydney Exchange issue is really wrecking my mind. I really want to represent my school in Sydney, and i want to gain some exposure and experience. However, i'm gonna be missing a weekend plus two days of school; which may prove to be a lot to catch up on. I'm already struggling to keep up with the relentlessly fast pace that my teachers are going at. And i'll be obliged to billet someone from Adelaide when our school hosts the next exchange. Sigh..

God, help me out!

The Long Walk Home

When i got to the train station this morning, i reached into my right pocket to get my wallet but it wasn't there -.-" I wanted to go back home to get it, but the train was about to leave. So yea, i walked through the open gateway and boarded the train. It was my first time boarding a train without my ticket.

I had a good day at school, except for the loads of home work i received. There goes my first weekend -.-" Sigh... It only gives a forecast of what the rest of the year's gonna be like. But i'll have to push on with an optimistic approach =)

We had swimming trials today. I don't mind swimming, i actually like it a little... but i hate to be in my bathers. lol! I clocked in at 38 seconds last year, but i swam my guts out this time for a 34! haha! Many of my friends told me that that was a good time. So i guess i'll be swimming for my house in the imminent Swim Carnival.

I don't know why, but my soccer skills have gone down the drain...again. I tend to get it over a short period every year. Well, i don't believe in "form", cuz i think it's a lame excuse to cover up a poor performance. But... i don't know. I just don't have the same feeling in my feet as i've had before. I've got poor ball control, and i misjudge the ball a lot. Sigh.. hope this will blow over soon enough.

There were ticket inspectors at Glen Waverley train station when i got back -.-" What a coincidence.. there NEVER used to be ticket inspectors there! It just had to happen on the day that i forgot to bring my wallet -.-" haha! But i managed to get through the blockage thanks to Anthony and Andrew. Thanks guys! I owe you guys one! haha! Finally, some true friends.

I had to walk home from the station because i couldn't get on a bus without a ticket. Welson, another true friend, tried to smuggle me his ticket after he got on the bus, but it was unsuccessful. Anyway, the walk home was extremely tiring considering the heavy bag on my back. But i took the time to appreciate nature. I stared into the radiant blue sky speckled with fluffy white clouds. Aww.. that was relaxing, and comforting. Thank God for his creations that give us a break when the world seems to be crumpling down on us =)

btw, jase walks like a chick :P

1st Late

Believe it or not, i woke up at 7.53am this morning and got to school just before 9am. That's about 1 hour and 7 minutes. haha! I think that's a record. I had a bad cold last night, so i took some medication which knocked me out. That's why i woke up so late today.

Anyway, i got to school 5 minutes late. But according to my tightarse form teacher, Mr. Janus, a minute late is still considered as a "late". So yea, i prepared myself for a lecture, and a detention, as i walked into the class. However, Leo ran up to me the moment i stepped into the classroom and told me to get out cuz he had already marked my name off the roll for me. lol! I dashed outta the classroom as fast as i could. Boy! Thanks Leo! I owe you one.

I'm looking at two giant spiders at the two corners of my room at the moment. It's 10:10pm now, and i have just completed my Business Management worksheets. Sigh... it's the second day of school and i'm already working so hard. Looks like i'm in for another big year.

I feel like a motor boat tracking across the atlantic ocean with only a quater-tank filled. Sigh.. i don't know if i can make it till the end of this year with flying colours. I don't even know what God has in stall of me, but i hope it'll be good.

I've made a committment to email a few friends in Singapore consistently throughout the year. Hope that it'll last.

I'm like a burning candle that flickers when the wind blows, but never dies out.

Thank God for that.

Lost

I'm unsure of every step i take. My numb mind is being blown over by strong currents of sudden gusts, and i don't know how long it'll last. Sigh... it was a GREAT pleasure to be able to see all my good buddies in school again today. I got drafted in 11D with Tommy, Leo, Laios, Darryn and Narayan. haha! I reckon we'll be able to win the Inter-form Soccer Tournament again this year. I'm pretty happy with my class, but i really miss chatting to Jase and Banh. Sigh... i guess we all have to make new good friends now and then. haha! Joce, i need you here!

Yea, my first day at school wasn't the best one could have. I mean, i felt so lost today. I didn't bring my lock, and so i had to carry all my books home - my bag weighed about 15kilograms -.-""" I had so many things to do on my mind. I lost my pump needle, misplaced my sim card, got some homework from my Business Management teacher, Mr.Dowling. I had to retrieve my blazer from the 2nd hand shop, buy some new pants, buy a new TI-89 graphics calculato,r and fill up the form for my Student Concession card. Yea, it's not funny at all.

Anyway, i guess that's the way it's gonna be for the next two years. I'm gonna be busy-as, and i'll just have to manage my time well.

God encouraged me a lot while i was doing my QT then, and i don't feel as stressed up now.

"This is what the Lord says: 'Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded,'..."
- Jeremiah 31:16

O Lord, i feel lost and troubled.
But i'll make it through because of you.