Wednesday, February 04, 2009

I need Strength..

It's been too long since I last blogged. I've been wanting to do a massive blog post about my mission trip to Thailand; but I've been too busy with packing my room and sorting other things out. Amidst all that, I think I'm going through a rather important time in my life right now where I'm evaluating where God's leading me this year and in the future.

I didn't want to blog, but I'm been inspired to do so by Jon's encouraging emails elaborating excerpts from my previous blog posts! I'm truly grateful for such a friend like Jon. He's overwhelmingly encouraging. He's the only person I know that would search the archives of my blog for inspiration and encouragement. Hence, I've decided to share what I wrote in my journal today. It's a rather long post about how God's spoke to me specifically today:

" Sha and I had our first driving lesson today. We got our instructor, Susanne, through a recommendation by the Hoe's. Susanne alerted me to all the knitty-gritty things that I negligently overlook when I drive casually - to the extent that I got nervous before every maneuver. Nevertheless, I started to get the hang of driving cautiously and getting into the habit of making pronounced headchecks and mirror checks. I finally learned the proper technique for the 3-point turn and the reverse parallel park. They're very simple low-speed maneuveres really.

My willingness to be completely detachd from Fungus/101, coupled with my immense apprehension about joining Vive; shaken together thoroughly; sprinkled with my enthusiastic eagerness about treading the unfamiliar and daunting grounds of University minitry through Studentlife; has been an overwhelming burden upon my weary heart, mind and soul.

Vive is the uni-group in my home church, Crossway Baptist. And I rightfully should be part of and serving in it. However, my apprehension is greatly due to the drastic culture difference between Vive and Fungus. Vive is a lemon cake sprinkled with sesame seeds; while Fungus is a tasty mudcake with the most stringent spray of icing. Obviously, they taste completely different: it would take a great deal of confidence, motivation, and perseverance to overcome the inertia of learning to love lemon cake.

Fungus, on the other hand, is a place I feel at home. I sincerely love the people in it. I grew up in Fungus. I am part of it. And it definitely possesses a significant portion of my being. People like Qynn, Chris, John, Gab, Shaun, Nick, Aud, Alv, Sonjia, Lashes, Ruth, Jon, Franny, Pete, Vernis and Nicole have had great influences on my life; they have no doubt helped to shape me into who I am this day. I am eternally grateful. I've been serving as a Fungus leader for a year now, and I'm loving it. I feel that God has primed me up by giving me an opportunity to be part of the core leadership so that I can contribute greatly to the growth of Fungus this year. However, my parents feel that the greater church, FGA, has got flawed biblical teachings and would prove an unsuitable church to be part of. Hence, they have warned me not to continue serving, or being part of, a ministry in FGA. My parents are great, God-fearing, bible-studying, people-loving, Jesus-following people whom I respect greatly. So I take their opinions with considerable importance. And frankly, that is a tough nut for me to swallow. I wouldn't even call it a nut, it's more like a massive durian with razor sharp stainless steel spikes. I know it's going to hurt if I swallow it; I might even bleed. I know I will bleed.

About Studentlife. During my short mission trip to Thailand, God convicted my heart about doing something that significantly changes LIVES with my life. I was inspired by Mink, Prue, Alexandra, and all the other Compassion staff (interpreters, child workers, teachers, cooks, pastors, etc.) They've committed their lives to serving Christ in their profession - and in some way to bring joy and hope into the lives of poverty-stricken children. They have seized a marvellous opportunity to show the unconditional and unfailing love of God to those who would listen! Seeing the overwhelming joy that permeats through the childrens' smiles and actions because of our acts of love, brings such joy and warmth to my innermost being. It makes me feel as though my life was well-spent; truly meaningful. What could be more rewarding than to spend everyday sharing and multiplying the love of Christ to poverty-stricken children who would ever so openly receive it?!

That has inspired me to share that same love, the Love of God, to people in uni. I remember seeing somewhat of a vision of a group of enthusiastic CHristians worshipping God on a stage right in the middle of South Lawn. And everyone who walked past glanced by in awe and amazement. There's nothing we can do to save souls; but I envisaged the Holy Spirit flowing ever so strongly in that place to touch and convict the deepest parts of everyone that looked on. So much so that they too would worship the Lord our God. I foresaw a new revolution - a love revolution totally devoted to Jesus Christ.

Honestly, I lack faith, although I do beleive that it is possible. Hence, my worry; my anxiety; my doubt.

As I worshipped God just then, he subtly put images into my mind about what he wanted me to do in each of these 3 ministries this year.

Vive was first. As I sang, the theme of me surrendering my life to the will of God came up over and over again. now I know that altohugh it makes no sense to learn to eat lemon cake, God is saying: "Trust in Me."

O Lord, would you please have your way in me. I humbly offer my life to you. Give me confidence and strength by the power of your Holy Spirit.

Studentlife was second. I began to think about gathering all the Christian friends I knew in Uni and uniting us all. God put names into my heart to invite to Studentlife's kick-off camp: Alv, Aud, Chris, NIgel, Ven, Tim, Nic, etc. I thank God for showing me the first stop to take in making a difference in Uni.

I pray, O Lord, that you'd continue to grant me wisdom and vision from your Holy Spirit.

I didn't expect it: Fungus was third! God caused me to think about the lack of passion in the leadership; and what I could offer to it. I thought about the opportunity I would have to further encourage people like Jon, Franny, Harold, Tony, etc. And even to mentor the Assistant Leaders like Shaun. I take this as a clear sign that I should remain serving in Fungus.

I'm glad that you answered when I sought you, Lord. Forgive me of my short-comings and grant me strength."

I'll blog about my trip to Thailand tmr should time permit! :)

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