Saturday, November 29, 2008

Lost In Love

I'm just a man
With a guitar in a pen in my hand
Writing a love song
To the one who's trapped in my head
I think of you
The very moment I wake from my bed
I can't get you outta my head
With you I'm lovestruck
Without you I'm dumbstruck
I've run out of words to say.

I'm singing this love song
From the bottom of my heart
Cuz you're more than a work of art
You're the light in my darkness
My peace in this madness
The joy in my sadness
You are,
The Son of the living God.


I've written a few love songs to God, but none like this one. This one's got a radical tune.. almost cornishly hilarious.

I've been wondering how true love feels like. It's a tough question because the truth is, no one really knows. A lengthy marriage isn't proof of true love, a fulfilling one is.

Sadly, if you ask anyone if their marriage is fulfilling, they'd hesitate, then probably say "yes".

Even more sadly, relationships are so casual now that we just jump in and out thinking that it's all normal.

In fact, it isn't. Every broken relationship leaves a scar on our inner most parts. (i.e. If there is enough reality within us left to find our souls) Look hard, you'll find them.

I never thought I'd feel this way about my broken relationships that go way back. I guess once you've decided to "like"/"love" someone, you give them a part of yourself; a very delicate piece of your very soul to keep. It's theirs to keep, but a defect still remains.

No matter how hard we try to deny. The fact lies that they still have a hold on us. I find myself reminiscing over past intimacies; unhealthy, shameful. I acknowledge that I still have soft spots, the very defects; the missing pieces of my soul, for those I once "loved".

I'm worried that I won't be able to tell the difference between that "love" and "true love". When do I know if what I feel is from God?

Is it genuine?

I ask myself that, and against my conscience, I affirm "Yes".

But who am I to know what lies beyond that invisible line we like to know as "time".

I want to let her know how I feel. Yet love compels me not to. It's not that I'm lacking confidence; or fear rejection - I love her too much to ruin God's perfect love story for her.

I need wisdom, O Lord.

1 comment:

NewJerseyJesus said...

Hey, love the "lost in love."