Lost In Love

I'm just a man
With a guitar in a pen in my hand
Writing a love song
To the one who's trapped in my head
I think of you
The very moment I wake from my bed
I can't get you outta my head
With you I'm lovestruck
Without you I'm dumbstruck
I've run out of words to say.

I'm singing this love song
From the bottom of my heart
Cuz you're more than a work of art
You're the light in my darkness
My peace in this madness
The joy in my sadness
You are,
The Son of the living God.

isaac
27.11.08

I've written a few love songs to God, but none like this one. This one's got a radical tune.. almost cornishly hilarious.

I've been wondering how true love feels like. It's a tough question because the truth is, no one really knows. A lengthy marriage isn't proof of true love, a fulfilling one is.

Sadly, if you ask anyone if their marriage is fulfilling, they'd hesitate, then probably say "yes".

Even more sadly, relationships are so casual now that we just jump in and out thinking that it's all normal.

In fact, it isn't. Every broken relationship leaves a scar on our inner most parts. (i.e. If there is enough reality within us left to find our souls) Look hard, you'll find them.

I never thought I'd feel this way about my broken relationships that go way back. I guess once you've decided to "like"/"love" someone, you give them a part of yourself; a very delicate piece of your very soul to keep. It's theirs to keep, but a defect still remains.

No matter how hard we try to deny. The fact lies that they still have a hold on us. I find myself reminiscing over past intimacies; unhealthy, shameful. I acknowledge that I still have soft spots, the very defects; the missing pieces of my soul, for those I once "loved".

I'm worried that I won't be able to tell the difference between that "love" and "true love". When do I know if what I feel is from God?

Is it genuine?

I ask myself that, and against my conscience, I affirm "Yes".

But who am I to know what lies beyond that invisible line we like to know as "time".

I want to let her know how I feel. Yet love compels me not to. It's not that I'm lacking confidence; or fear rejection - I love her too much to ruin God's perfect love story for her.

I need wisdom, O Lord.

Planting Seeds..

There's always an enthusiastic joy when we plant seeds.

A deep eagerness to see it grow drives us to do radical things.

I planted a potato in my backyard a month ago.

I watered it and waited.

I just checked on it.

It's not growing.

Here's a remarkable truth in the words of Paul.

We can only plant the seed;

We can only water the seed;

We can only shower some love on it.

But it is God who makes it grow.

I'm having faith in my potato.

Diary

Our 2nd Semester of Futsal was a whole lot better than our first. There were a few tweaks to our squad - Stevie and Turk disappeared (literally). We got them replaced with the Wang Fang and the trusty-footed Nigel.

Squad: Tommy, Jin, Tom Wang, Jase, Jono (super star!!), Daz, Nigel, and I-saac

Look at the table! We're ahead of the Mauritians!! haha! We only got as far as the quarter finals where we lost to the Mauritians (-.-""") 2-1 in extra time.

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I've got 6 exams spanning the next 3 weeks.

I'm 6 hours away from my first Physio exam.

I'm 6 months away from being fully prepared.

666. What do you know? The devil's on the loose.

Talk about Obama trying to unite the world.

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I've been able to wriggle out of many exams/sacs in the past. But I've come to my wits end this time. I pray for God to help me out of it, and at the same time I feel unworthy; almost guilty that I'm the only one to blame for my current situation. I know that my laziness doesn't deserve divine intervention; yet deep within my innermost being there is a hope that I somehow might make it through this test.

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Besides studying relentlessly for my exams in the past week, the other reason that's kept me from blogging is the genesis of my diary. Adrienne told me that she doesn't like writing long blog posts about her life anymore because she'd rather journal her more personal feelings. That made sense.

Nicole gave me a really nice journal for my 18th - Footprints. I didn't want it to make too many dusty friends on the shelf.

I felt a sudden urge to write, so I did.

For all those people who insist on calling me "gay" because I like flowers, here's another one for ya.

I keep a journal now.

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Yes, congrats to Qynn and Sonja for the birth of their son (future Stevie G), Asher Loke! :)

May God grace you with wisdom beyond your years to bring Asher up in the ways of the Lord so that his heart may continually combust with passion and devotion for Jesus Christ!