Better With You

I think i'm going crazy. I haven't blogged in two weeks as i've been busy studying for my VCE exams. But here i am blogging when i've got a Trial Accounting Exam tomorrow. I'm way under-prepared, but i couldn't care less at the moment.

Just a brief summary of what has happened in the last few weeks. Tommy, Jase and i were the only Asians that made it into the school soccer team. We recently employed a new coach, Mr. Drossos, and he picked players who are tall and who have big tanky structures instead of technical abilities. Yea, i was dead pissed (don't think i've ever been more pissed) three weeks ago because i was left out of the first eleven! I only got to play 15minutes as a useless substitute. Regardless, the school team made it through to the Zones. Well, i was disappointed while the rest were happy. Out of 15 players, only 7 of those are in Year 12. Unheard of in MHS history because the Year 12's are usually given preferrential treatment.

I was fuming mad for 2 reasons. Firstly, that i didn't get to play with my good mates who didn't make the team, something that i had been dreaming of since Year 10. Secondly, i was left out of the first eleven because of my inferior height, something that i can't help! I'm frustrated because i didn't choose to be born short! What did i do to deserve this? I train as hard, or even harder than those skips and wogs out there, but i'm discriminated against because of something that can't be manipulated by will power?

That really humiliated me. In a sad, but good sense, because it taught me humility. I've learnt what it feels like to be on the bench, i now know what it feels like to be grateful to God despite how disadvantaged i am, to look on in a spirit of uninvolvement when the entire team is bursting with jubilation because of their victory. It sucks, but that's life. It made me realise that God's the only person i can cling on it. He's my hope and my deliverer.

Praise God because He's always there for me. I prayed for him to grant me a humble heart. Soon after, i made friends with some of the Year 11's in the soccer team, and i put in a brillant performance in a recent training session which caught my coach's eye. Thank God for that.

Praise God for He was with me today. There's a inter-trainline soccer competition going on during lunchtimes, and the Glen Waverley line (my line) were playing the Epping/Hurstbridge line today. We had a miserable start to the game, and we were surely going to lose. But i bowed my head and said a simple prayer. Just moments after, Eugene stroked the ball into my path, and i took a first-timed volley which flew past the keeper into the bottom corner. Goal! Thank God for that. We won 1-0.

Thank God for not letting me die today. For most of you who know me, i'm not the sort of person who'll put out of a tackle. I don't like to dwell in an injury. But what happened today could've claimed my life. After God gave me that goal, the opponents were surging down the left flank and lobbed a cross into our penalty area. There was no one there except for our keeper (Aaron Greene) and an unmarked opposition striker (some curry dude). Aaron rushed out of goals and did a footy-jump to gather the ball. I dashed back at full pace and flung myself at the ball for a header. The curry dude ducked for dear life. I found myself squirming haplessly on the ground seconds later. I couldn't breathe, i couldn't say anything.. spectators and players crowded around me, adding to my embarrassment.

Aaron's knee had sank deep into the right side of my rib cage as we collided in mid-air at high velocities. The pain was excruciating. All i could think of was whether God was going to allow me to die, and if i didn't die, would i have to live a life dependent on a machine for breathing. I mumbled a little prayer, and the pain subsided after a while. I staggered off the pitch. Some guys kindly rushed to fetch the nurse and she attended to me. She said that i was severely winded, but that my ribs felt fine, no broken ribs for dinner! :)

Currently, there's a sharp pain that ripples through my lower ribs when i exhale from a deep breath. I'm gonna get it X-rayed if the pain persists tomorrow. Well, it looks like God has a great plan for me in the future that has yet to be fulfilled! :)

The Year 12 formal's coming up in two months. I've often offered advice to younger guys, who are humble enough to confide in me, to express their feelings if they like a girl and not to hide it. I guess i'm a hypocrite. But then again, i wanna make sure that my love for her is genuine before i tell her so as not to hurt her. Some people say that songs can stir strong emotions in people, which can cause them to do stupid things. I'm one of those weak-hearted victims. These songs "Better With You", "Superman", "That Girl", "All You Wanted", "Confidence" influenced me to feel that if that if you feel better when you're with that special someone, don't be afraid to tell her because she might just be as nervous as you are, but the fact is that if you don't take up the courage to tell her, then nothing will ever happen!

A Fading Gift...

Something struck me really hard while i was doing my QT yesterday. I was reading Paul's comments in the book of Corinthians. He wrote:

"Yet when i preach the gospel, i cannot boast, for i am compelled to preach. Woe to me if i do not preach the gospel! If i preach voluntarily, i have a reward, if not voluntarily, i am simply discharging the trust committed to me." - 1 Cor 9:16-17

That perked all the guilty senses within me. An overwhelming thought dawned on me as i read that passage. God gave me an amazing gift of composing songs and poems. Although i'm terrible at music, He graciously taught me how to play the guitar. If you do know me well, you'll know that i can't read scales and i'm just pathetic when it comes to music. And yet God's blessed me with such a gift!

I feel guilty because i haven't been using it to glorify him. I've been too busy with my soccer on the weekends, too busy with all my study, too busy hanging out with friends during my spare time, too busy watching soccer, too busy doing EVERYTHING else but to spend some time faithfully exercising the gift God gave me.

I used to sit alone in my room and pray to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Then a tune, or lyrics would just flow into my mind, which would all eventually translate into a song.

"Woe to me if i do not preach the gospel!" That's what Paul said. I should be saying the same thing. I am compelled to compose songs. Woe to me if i don't do so! I don't want to "discharge the trust" God committed to me. That would be amoral!

I know the songs i compose aren't the best of songs. I'm not good at playing the guitar. My voice is terrible, but what's the point of keeping all the songs, that God has composed through me, all to myself? I decided to do some makeshift recordings of all my songs and upload them on my blog with the lyrics and the main guitar chords so that ordinary pple can worship God at home.

I'm committed to recording one song a day, and i'll post them up really soon. So.. yea, i hope that'll please God. I'm currently in a dry season. I haven't written a song in AGES.. and i think it's come as a result of my uncommitment towards God. But i hope He'll see the change in me, and continue to work wonders! :)

I give all glory to God for all these songs. I cannot boast, for i am compelled to do so.