Guardian of My Heart

A flood pours down
And my heart overflows of your unfailing love
I am blinded by thee
So that I fear not even the rugged cliff
How long will you let me fall?
Fear overwhelms with its sharp cruel claws
Yet it grasps not my heart,
Nor my feeble mind.
For you are my Saviour.
-
My soul cries out to thee,
I praise you from my innermost being.
You have guarded my heart,
And have broken my fall.
Amazing Grace,
Unending Love which covers all.

Your will heedest not my selfish desires,
Your righteousness shames my bout of folly.
O, how you have rescued me in my time of trouble.
You have delivered me from the hands of the evil one.
-
My soul; it longs for you.
For you are my portion,
The sole reason for its being.
Deepest agony would grip my heart,
Should thy praise depart from my mouth.
I will not to stray from thee.
Thy Word leads me to safe places,
And I find rest in the palms of your hands.

isaac
7/12/08
-

hate.

I'm beginning to hate myself and the values I hold dear.

Would I have to feel all this disappointment welling up inside of me?

If I was amoral, I wouldn't feel bad about hurting anyone. And in so doing, I won't hurt myself either.

I want to rant about the folly of some people, and the sheer immaturity of others.. but I've learned through the years that anger in itself is nothing but folly - nothing good shall ever stem from fiery alphabets stringed together to form a bitter cord.

I'm foolish too.

No doubt I'm immature.

I forgive you, at least I want to.. but I can't seem to get this strong bitterness and disappointment within me.

It's eating me up like a little green worm devouring the core of a fresh potato.

I need some pesticide.

"Hey Abraham,

My hols started last week. They've been fully packed so far..

I think i'm experiencing b'day party overload.

I'm thinking of spending a day or two not doing anything to sort out what I wanna get done in my hols and set some resolutions for next year!

Having fun just seems quite futile atm.

What've you been up to?"

Lost In Love

I'm just a man
With a guitar in a pen in my hand
Writing a love song
To the one who's trapped in my head
I think of you
The very moment I wake from my bed
I can't get you outta my head
With you I'm lovestruck
Without you I'm dumbstruck
I've run out of words to say.

I'm singing this love song
From the bottom of my heart
Cuz you're more than a work of art
You're the light in my darkness
My peace in this madness
The joy in my sadness
You are,
The Son of the living God.

isaac
27.11.08

I've written a few love songs to God, but none like this one. This one's got a radical tune.. almost cornishly hilarious.

I've been wondering how true love feels like. It's a tough question because the truth is, no one really knows. A lengthy marriage isn't proof of true love, a fulfilling one is.

Sadly, if you ask anyone if their marriage is fulfilling, they'd hesitate, then probably say "yes".

Even more sadly, relationships are so casual now that we just jump in and out thinking that it's all normal.

In fact, it isn't. Every broken relationship leaves a scar on our inner most parts. (i.e. If there is enough reality within us left to find our souls) Look hard, you'll find them.

I never thought I'd feel this way about my broken relationships that go way back. I guess once you've decided to "like"/"love" someone, you give them a part of yourself; a very delicate piece of your very soul to keep. It's theirs to keep, but a defect still remains.

No matter how hard we try to deny. The fact lies that they still have a hold on us. I find myself reminiscing over past intimacies; unhealthy, shameful. I acknowledge that I still have soft spots, the very defects; the missing pieces of my soul, for those I once "loved".

I'm worried that I won't be able to tell the difference between that "love" and "true love". When do I know if what I feel is from God?

Is it genuine?

I ask myself that, and against my conscience, I affirm "Yes".

But who am I to know what lies beyond that invisible line we like to know as "time".

I want to let her know how I feel. Yet love compels me not to. It's not that I'm lacking confidence; or fear rejection - I love her too much to ruin God's perfect love story for her.

I need wisdom, O Lord.

Planting Seeds..

There's always an enthusiastic joy when we plant seeds.

A deep eagerness to see it grow drives us to do radical things.

I planted a potato in my backyard a month ago.

I watered it and waited.

I just checked on it.

It's not growing.

Here's a remarkable truth in the words of Paul.

We can only plant the seed;

We can only water the seed;

We can only shower some love on it.

But it is God who makes it grow.

I'm having faith in my potato.

Diary

Our 2nd Semester of Futsal was a whole lot better than our first. There were a few tweaks to our squad - Stevie and Turk disappeared (literally). We got them replaced with the Wang Fang and the trusty-footed Nigel.

Squad: Tommy, Jin, Tom Wang, Jase, Jono (super star!!), Daz, Nigel, and I-saac

Look at the table! We're ahead of the Mauritians!! haha! We only got as far as the quarter finals where we lost to the Mauritians (-.-""") 2-1 in extra time.

----

I've got 6 exams spanning the next 3 weeks.

I'm 6 hours away from my first Physio exam.

I'm 6 months away from being fully prepared.

666. What do you know? The devil's on the loose.

Talk about Obama trying to unite the world.

-----

I've been able to wriggle out of many exams/sacs in the past. But I've come to my wits end this time. I pray for God to help me out of it, and at the same time I feel unworthy; almost guilty that I'm the only one to blame for my current situation. I know that my laziness doesn't deserve divine intervention; yet deep within my innermost being there is a hope that I somehow might make it through this test.

----

Besides studying relentlessly for my exams in the past week, the other reason that's kept me from blogging is the genesis of my diary. Adrienne told me that she doesn't like writing long blog posts about her life anymore because she'd rather journal her more personal feelings. That made sense.

Nicole gave me a really nice journal for my 18th - Footprints. I didn't want it to make too many dusty friends on the shelf.

I felt a sudden urge to write, so I did.

For all those people who insist on calling me "gay" because I like flowers, here's another one for ya.

I keep a journal now.

----

Yes, congrats to Qynn and Sonja for the birth of their son (future Stevie G), Asher Loke! :)

May God grace you with wisdom beyond your years to bring Asher up in the ways of the Lord so that his heart may continually combust with passion and devotion for Jesus Christ!

Your Love

Your Love is like the morning sunshine
Your Love breaks the darkest rain cloud
Your Love puts a smile onto my face
Your Love takes me to a happy place.

Isaac
20.10.08

Finally 18..

After dunking Dan into the sea.

Twins! Dan?

Look at the sunset! Stop staring at my fats! :P

Beach volleyball!

Joce and Nic trying hard.

MHS Sauage Fest!

Fungus!

"My daddy + my Mummy + Sha Sha + Me" :D

After we threw Tommy into the sea.

Beer galore. Tom Wang had a Barcardi instead.

Watching the sunset.

Me and the 2 stooges.

It took me 4 hours to make that present for Sha -.-" Barcardi breezers for her to chill out during her VCE prep! haha!

18 orchids from 18 girls.

18 love letters from 18 girls.

My favourite sister.

To many more years of friendship + sausage fests!


-

Your Love is like the morning sunshine, Your Love breaks the darkest rain cloud. Your Love puts a smile onto my face, Your Love takes me to a happy place. - isaac 20.10.08

I just had a rather hilarious convo with my mum.

- Mum: *looks into the fridge* The salad's missing! Me: It could've run away. Mum: Oh, it's burried under the carrots. Me: I'm sorry, i thought they were dead. -

The salad was rotten.
-

Jerusha and I had our 18th b'day party at Mordialliac beach on Sat. The entire day was very much as enjoyable as i expected it to be! Fun times like these always pass, but the legacy they leave behind remain in the substance of a memory.
So, these are some of my memories:

1. The day was fantastic! 28 degrees. Sunny. And we rocked up 30mins late to our own party! -.x"
   
2. Trying to comfort Audrey with a seedy hotdog because a pack of dogs stole the $120 watch she + fungus bought me for my b'day. What can I say? Shucks! :D I told her that a poem would mean so much more to me than a $120 watch.
3. Getting decked by the 10-20 Fungahooligans who cracked eggs and poured a stew of fish oil and flour all over my back and into my undies -.-""""""" I should've baked my arse in the sun and got them to lick the egg off :) Yum. It's a pity that all had to leave early.. I would have had my sweet revenge if they had stayed on for longer :)
4. Receiving 18 love letters and 18 stunning orchids from 18 beautiful girls.
   
   
5. Picking up live jelly fish from the sea and chucking them at Fungahooligans.
   
6. Almost dunked Audrey into the sea.. but her pleas for mercy and Sarah's puppy eyes.. aww.. I regret not dunking her :)
   
7. Having a GREAT time with my old MHS friends: Tommy, Marcus, T. Wang, Phan, Jono, Victor, Jin, Antho, Banh, and Dan Lim. It was great seeing all of them together again after such a long time. We played volleyball, swam with the jellyfish, drank heaps, watched the sun set, dunked Tommy in the sea, dunked Dan Lim in the sea, and buried T.Wang. haha! Good times.. Jin brought sooo much beer along and almost got my drunk x.-""
   
   
8. The spectacular sunset. That was well worth staying for. Got to chat with Joce and Nic a lil at least. Glad that they could relax and appreciate a good Aussie sunset for once.
   

I just wanna thank everyone who bothered to rock up at such a remote place in the midst of all your important exams. It really means so much to me.. you've got no idea how much I enjoyed my b'day cuz all of you were there.

Special thanks goes to my parents for all the love they showed towards Sha and I through their actions. For 2 consecutive weeks they've slogged in the kitchen and sacrificed their weekends to cook and prepare delicious food for both parties. Thanks dad and mum. Dw, i'll get you guys your beach house + boat + car soon enough :)

All I asked for was a poem. But I got everything but a poem, which brings me to the other person I should really thank: my twin sister. Thanks Sha for writing me such a touching card + a POEM!! You might be oblivious to the fact that you're the only sister that I would ever ask for, but your words (mostly encouraging and sometimes harsh) have helped me become a better man. Thanks so much for always looking out for me :)

That's the card that Sha made for me.. the pic almost made me tear.

Thanks also to my best friend, Joce, who wrote me a 1300+ word prayer!! haha! And that email you sent me abt "The Ungrateful Friend" almost made me laugh my head off! Thanks for ALL your encouragements over the last, what, 8 years? Thanks for all the laughs, and for all the tough times :)

Faith.. Friends..

God is the cool fresh wind on a hot summer's day,
A friend is the towel that wipes the sweat off your brow.
God is the water in the desert,
A friend is the one who tips the water into your mouth when you're too weak to hold the bottle.

As most of you know, i was going through one of the toughest weeks in my life last week. Praise be to God! I've finally pulled through and my faith is stronger than ever.. and it will continue to grow. I've learned a few things..

Firstly, to be careful not to be too carried away to the extent that I'm replying on my own strength when I'm serving God. I thought that I was "close" to God, and that my faith was unshakable.. I'm a man of remarkable folly!

Secondly, spiritual attacks do occur. Jon (Lee) emailed me with a word of encouragement:

"The bible says that the devil doesn't care about those kind of Christians that keep quiet about their faith, or don't do much to lead others to the truth; which is Christ. He leaves them alone.But he DOES bother those who make a difference in the lives of others; those who share about their relationship with God. When u got the CIA room underway, it is startign to get others to build Christ centered relationships. So because of this, I am sure that the devil is trying his hardest to knock u off track."

Thirdly, Salvation comes only by Faith. And Faith is believing in something that isn't seen, that can't be proven! I have Hope and Purpose in my life. I've seen God change my life, and the lives of many of my friends. In that, I firmly place my trust at the foot of the cross. No turning back.

Finally, God has very graciously blessed me with friends who genuinely care. When I was in my lowest moments, God sent some angels to brighten up my day (i was surprised at the senders of some of those encouragements!)

Jon Lee, Dani, Betty, Erin, Franny, and Joce all emailed me to remind me of God's faithfulness and not to give up on him. From the deepest portions of my heart, I thank the Lord for the 6 of you. You've got no idea how encouraged I was with every word I read. I'm genuinely grateful that God has blessed me with you guys! :)

Spiritual Fatigue..

Free falling into the dark deep with nothing but a harness strapped around my waist... will the rope be long enough?

At this stage, it seems ever so short.

I'm tired. Physically, but more severely, Spiritually.

I never thought I'd come to this, especially with all that God's been putting on my heart over the past couple of weeks. Amidst my decision to make stand for God, I find my heart desperately crying out:

"Where are you, God?"

I need you.

This week has been overwhelming for me.

This Friday's the launch of MUSHroom. I want to, but I don't seem to have that same passion and fervor that I once had for it. And there are reasons behind it -

Firstly, I've been pushing and pushing; trying to motivate others to share my passion. I've been hit with harsh and discouraging remarks, but i did persevere. And here we are.. all ready to launch, but I found it soo hard to remain positive as I wrote a prep email for the CIA members last night.

Then, there's this doubt within me that some CIA members aren't really motivated to serve themselves! Sure, I could point out a handful that are serving because they love Christ. Yet I know that some others are there for the wrong reasons. And I think it's fair enough to say that the reasons are of a lustful/sexual nature. How can we influence people to develop Christ-centred relationships if we ourselves aren't practising that in our personal lives?!

I've committed two days this week to do evagelistic surveys at Melb Uni with Sam and Chris. In high-spirits, I boldly agreed to make a stand for Christ at Uni. Afterall, it IS the Great Commandmant to go and make disciples!

So off we went from 4-6pm on Tuesday. Sam did the first few intros. The first group we approached gave disgusted replies. One guy even added: "I hate you!" in a sincere tone of utter disgust. Sam thought that i'd be discouraged as it was the worse response he'd received in his 4 years of Street-E. I found it rather funny..

We approached 6 other pple. We received 6 other rejections. Ironically, I was gaining more and more confidence with each rejection. And I began to really comprehend what it felt like to boldly proclaim your beliefs and to obey Jesus. Chris joined us at 5pm, and the 3 of us approached this couple who agreed to do our survey.

Our 30-min conversation about the reality of God, the folly of the Gospel, the truth of the bible, etc. was extremely detailed. The couple were Vet Science students, and they obviously had a firm foundation about evolution (which they believe is a proven fact). The man told us that he had a Christian phase. He was persuaded by a Christian friend to honestly seek God. So he did. He said to God: "God, if you're real, show yourself to me."

He went on to read many Christian books. He said that God never "showed up", and it took very little to totally destroy what little faith he had. That story really discouraged me. At that point of time, I told Sam and Chris that I was actually intrigued and encouraged despite the disheartening conversation we had with that couple. I was encouraged because the man described faith as "folly; an insult to science" and that was precisely what Paul was talking about in Corinthians. He stated that God's wisdom seems like foolishness to man, and no one can understand it except by the Grace of God.

Unknowingly, lil sprouts of doubt started to well up in my heart and my faith seemed utterly shaky. Do I truly know what I believe in? Or am I just another idiot that has merely taken up a religion as a source of peace, hope and love? Has it all been real? Or have I merely been disillusioned?

The other thing that's really getting to me is my studies. I've been spending so much time thinking about God and doing ministry in Fungus and in Uni that I've TOTALLY neglected my studies. I'm seriously falling behind when my exams are just around the corner.

No, don't get me wrong. I haven't given up on God. I know that it is only by FAITH that we are saved. God HAS spoken to me through various parts of my life. He HAS put peace and hope in my heart in my lowest of moments. Jesus HAS changed my life - and many can testify to that!

But I'm spiritually drained.. i'm tired.. fatigued in every way possible. I've been reading the Word, but nothing's coming through to my weary spirit.

God, if you are real.

Show yourself to me.

Restore unto me the Joy of the Lord

And with Faith that pacifies the doubts of my mind

I need you, Jesus.

This I ask for your Name's sake.

Amen.

Birthdays

It was Aud's birthday not too long ago. Sadly, I couldn't make it to her b'day party, but I wrote her a poem. It's about the little things in life that we fail to appreciate because of the spirit of haste that overtakes us every moment of the day. Our birthdays would be pointless if we don't sit down and take some time to appreciate the little things in life; and ponder about what really has made us one year more mature.

The Silent Thief

The Summer Sun rises and hangs in stead,
The Winter moon lightens the ground of the dead.
Who shall ponder o'er history's past?
No; not one shall will to ask.

The fresh sensation against my face,
The rustling of the leaves on a nearby tree.
Clouds that sail over the sky of sea.
Wind blows North then East,
Of whose command shall it ever heed?

Blades of grass awake to dew each morn,
They give its due attention for none else will
A hurried shoe ends its life-filled life.
Rain falls outside leaving drops on the sill,
Yet none shall notice,
A silent thief empties attention's till.

Dark smoke rises this time each year,
The secret it carries disperses from sight.
Remembered are the cheers of the year behind,
Though forgotten, the jeers colour the future bright.
How much wisdom has the Victor gained?
How much youth shall he retain?

The Summer Sun rises and hangs in stead,
The Winter moon lightens the ground of the dead.
Who shall ponder o'er history's past?
No; not one shall will to ask.
- isaac

Speaking of birthdays, my 18th's coming up. My long awaited 18. It's really quite scary thinking back to the time i turned 13 and looking forward to the heightened responsibilites that being 18 really holds. Interesting..

I used to think flying on aeroplanes was cool because there are movies to watch and you get waited on hand and foot. But I would very much rather a good night's rest now..

I used to like sweet soft drinks. Now, i'd very much rather a hot Vienna and a chat with my close friends.

I used to knock off at 9pm sharp. Now, i only wish i could get the dishes done by 9pm.

I used to love God. Now, I know Jesus and I love Him more.

I used to watch my parents drive. Now, I watch them quiver and scream at me as i control the wheel.

Growing older doesn't necessary make you wiser.. I pray that God would grant me more Godly widom, a heart of love, and a spirit of humility for my 18th b'day.

I was pretty discouraged at the Fungus Leaders Meeting last week. I won't point any names out cuz that's immature, but i felt that I was looked down upon because of my age. Yes, I'm still 17 and very much the same age of a lot of the highschoolers at Fungus. What gives me the right to lead them or even to suggest to the older leaders how to lead?? What arrogance! I was dejected, but God reminded me of 2 Tim 4:12.

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."

Words that restored joy and peace in my heart.

I guess some of you are reading my blog to find out what I want for my birthday. I thought about it, and nothing material particularly interested me because of their superficiality. So here's my wishlist:

• A poem (No one's ever written me one)
• That you would make an effort to know Christ; read his word every day for a week and pray for me and your other friends.

Bye Paul..

Paul left on Wednesday. I didn't think i'd feel this way. But I do miss him. I miss chatting with him about the most hypothetical stuff, watching "My Name is Earl", shopping, eating Mee Goreng and bowls of Coco Crunch in the middle of the night. He's got such a unique sense of humour. I took quite some time to get used to it. He reminds me of how lame i can be at times! x.-"

Sleeping on the floor for the past 3 weeks really got to my mood! Albeit, I had so many fun times with Paul.

At Philip Island; walking with the Penguins. We even got to see a wallaby jump outta nowhere into the path of the waddling penguins!

At Mornington Peninsula; fished for 5 hours and caught absolutely NOTHING! haha! That's something to remember!

At Healsville Sanctuary; we got to see the platypiii! loL! The massive pellicans. Paul even got the chance to stalk some kangaroos! Oh yes, and there was the wild wedged-tail eagle that scared the living daylights outta the vulture. The vulture flew away and the Birds of Prey show got cancelled.

At Box Hill; playing soccer.. watching you pull off all those fancy Singaporean tricks.

Paul, I'm glad that you took time off to come to Melbourne :)

Paul Arrives Downunder

My passion blows swift
It is a rushing wind
A love so strong,
Yet lost in Its sense.

I want my love
To love your inner being
For better and worse
To fall deeper with you.

The past week has been utterly hectic for me. I led worship and bible study for Studentlife on Tuesday and Wednesday. My Tuesday was literally packed to the minute. I had a lecture and a prac till 12, then i had to RUSH all the way to the Old Geo building to lead worship which was meant to start at 12pm.

It was a completely new experience. As i walked into the lecture hall, i began to realise the full extent of what I had gotten myself into. The hall was filled with ~30 people that I didn't know. I didn't have a mic. All I had were my two trusty friends: Chris on his guitar, and Jane on her keyboard. I had my guitar too. It's terribly hard to lead worship with no mic, and un-amped guitars. Yet it's terribly easy to just let the Lord take full control - I could feel the presence of God so strongly in that worship session. Sure, the music wasn't great and I sounded like a dolphin on crack, but I'm sure God was pleased. That's all that matters.

I think the highlight of my week was our game against the Mighty Mauritians. Right after the worship session, which ended at 1pm, I rushed off to the hockey pitch for my futsal match at 1.20pm. Tommy, Jase, Jono, Daz, Nigel, TWang were already set to take on the aggressive Mauritians. These guys totally thrashed us 4-0 in the past, and we simply stood NO CHANCE against them. They made us look like school boys chasing after butterflies.

Well, we started the game off with the intention of sitting back and trying not to lose by too big a margin so as to save our shame. Unexpectedly, I had a fortunate break and managed to slot the ball home in the first 5 minutes. Daz, Jono and Tom Wang really stuck their bodies into every challenge, they chased every ball like dogs on heat! Consequently, Jono and T Wang suffered substantial injuries. Soon enough, Tom Wang converted a second and we were 2-0 up! lol! We continued to dominate most of the match to seal a 2-1 victory over the Mauritians. Booyah! :) But this will go down as one of my biggest victories.

I led the Studentlife bible study on Weds. Joce and Aud came along to give me some support. I reckon i did a rather poor job. I don't know what got into me that day. I had PBL that morning, but i just didn't feel like talking AT ALL -.-"" I think it was fatigue.

Paul, my funny cousin, just arrived from Singapore on Weds for a 3 week holiday. People think I'm lame and extremely eccentric, but I think Paul surpasses me by leaps and bounds in this area. He's always full of funny jokes and corny stories! haha! We got a chance to have a kick at Fungus soccer last night. I've never played soccer with Paul until the start of this year. He's actually pretty good. Dan Lim, Paul and I combined to pull of some awesome stuff last night - can't wait for the next Futsal session!

Hearing From God

This week's been a very eventful one.. it fully deserves the credit of my 500th post!

"Honest question; where are his balls?"
- Audrey Tan Hui Ya
-

"Ball sense -If you touched me in the balls; I'd be able to sense it."
- Tommy Wu something something
-

"So... do you touch others or do you touch yourself?"
- Audrey Tan. In response to my response to her initial question

-

God put 2 strong passions/ crazy ideas in my heart on the way to the city this Monday. As I was fighting my fatigue in the back seat of my Odyssey, half asleep, i thought about:

1) CIA Welcome for Fungus
2) Setting a trend with Christian Tees

When I was at the rally, I realised that there wasn't a lot of excitement leading up to it.. I was just "going through the motions" - a situation which i absolutely detest. And the fact that it was my final year at Fungus began to dawn upon me, and I wanted to do something before I left.

On that night, Tim (Chris's friend) came to speak to me. He asked me a rather probing question (and i believe God made him ask it): "So how's it like being a Fungus leader?"

I wasn't stumped. I knew my answer; but I definitely was rather disappointed at the realisation of the severity of my response.

"Average," I said. "Very average. I've been a very normal leader."

Well, Chris is one person God used to speak to me. Another unexpected figure is Pete's friend, whose name escapes me! x.-" Anyway, I spoke to him during one of the rehearsals. He asked if I wanted to go outside for a walk. He pulled out a fag the moment we stepped out into the fresh air and confessed that he smokes a box a day. We had a convo which had me absolutely baffled at numerous points.

Here's what I got out of it: He was thrown outta the house and disowned by his parents at the age of 14 because he wasn't hardworking, he then went on to start a car factory with his cousin which really took off. He now owns 5 car factories importing and selling cars from Italy, Japan, Amercia and other parts of Europe. He spends 3 days a week bossing his 40 workers around. He was part of the 2nd best break dancing crew in Australia, and frequently took part in famous dance comps. However, his crew disbanded not too long ago and he lost interest in breakdancing ever since. He has a red sach in Shaolin Kung Fu and used to teach kids at some martial arts school. He currently lives in a house on the most expensive street in Toorak. He's only 20.

I didn't take too much of a fancy towards him, and i can't help but to think that he's lying. Regardless, he said something that really got me thinking... and i have reason to believe that God spoke to me through him.

"If you want to do something, just go out and do it. Most people study and wait till they get their degrees; then they do what others tell them to."

-1-

These things really got into my head that Monday morning. I was in a daze, but there was a World War going on in my head - it might have been a dream. About CIA. We had a core leaders meeting months ago about how we can motivate the CIA members and to make CIA an integral part of Fungus. We talked about having a Welcoming Room for the newcomers where ice barriers can be broken through board games, electronic games, or a warm coffee and a heart to heart chat on comfy bean bags. I thought that was a great idea. I went a 1/4 of the way, but i failed to get it done.

I can picture a lounge-like room that everyone can chill out in before and after fungus for quality fellowship. Hopefully, the games would break cliques and initiate conversation with those that are a little more shy. I can imagine all the CIA members wearing the CIA logo proudly on their CIA T-shirts hosting the game booths, serving coffee and drinks, and warmly welcoming newcomers.

Well, not anymore.. i want to see it done, and i will do it. I know it will cost quite a bit to get electronic games, or to provide coffee, or to buy bean bags, etc. Whatever, I'm willing to do anything to fund raise. I'll chip in and beg others to chip in. Something has to be done to spice Fungus up again, something has to be done to re-motivate our CIA members. I long to see the day that everyone will be so desirous to join CIA, to speak to newcomers, and to genuinely get to know one another.

-2-

The other idea was radical. I went to shop at the Essendon DFO last week and bought a pair of Billabong jeans that had a fancy tag on it with the brand name "Billabong" fancily grafittied on it. The idea came to me that it would be feasible to have insane grafitti of the powerful, life-changing Word of God on T-shirts!

I know that there are plenty of "Christian Tees". BUT, the reason why we all don't wear them is because of either one of, or a combination of the following:

1. Quality
2. Size: they never seem to fit well
3. Marketing: we never hear or see the good ones advertised

Imagine if the Quality was as good as the branded ones and if the sizes fitted PERFECTLY. Marketing is pretty straight forward. It would be cheap cuz we won't be profit-oriented. I could imagine everyone in Uni wearing Christian Tees with fully-sick grafitti biblical truths on them! It would be a crazy fad.. and lots of people would be wondering who Jesus is!

All we need is:

• Most importantly, God
  
• A high quality clothing manufacturer
• A group of creative designers

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had my Hep B vaccination this Monday. I walked out of the Microbiology Dept in the medical wing of Melb Uni and sat down in the cool breeze just staring at the barren trees and the vast white sky. I began to wonder what defines true greatness in man. I thought abt the doctor that just gave me the vaccine, and I thought; all Doctors, and other health professions can, and ever will do is to cure diseases and fix problems. They're a secondary solution to the real problem.

JESUS is who people really need. It saddens me how corrupted and disfigured our society is. It pains me how people reject Jesus, the one who loved us so much that he suffered and died for us. I want to see Jesus glorified... because He deserves it.

That's what drives me.

Crazy Sex Rally

My final Fungus Rally, the Crazy Sex Rally, turned out to be crazier than i expected. Fungus rallies used to be extremely hyped up. Everyone would be FULL of excitement and expectation. But the futile battle with time has only weakened that unquenchable zeal to a state where rallies are deemed as no more than "routine". It's a sad reality.

It saddens me. Yet it motivates me, to an even greater extent, to make a difference with the little time i have left with Fungus. Pray for me that my desire might turn into determination.

As i mentioned before, last night's Crazy Sex Rally was much better than I had expected! I really enjoyed the games (i won a Leona Lewis album, which I gave to Dan), the videos (Aud, you're the main cause of global warming), and most of all the message. Peter Janetski delivered an insightful message about the dangers of sex and what God has to say about it. He substantiated his points with an array of statistics, which warranted numerous negative responses. But i found them particularly interesting and relevant. He spoke in such an understandable, concise and precise way. He had me captivated from the beginning till the end. Amazing.

One thing he said stirred up feelings of sentiment within me:

"The Vow of Abstinence is likened to telling your future spouse: "I loved you even before I met you. I love you enough to save the best just for you.""





*tired from setting up and packing up from 8am to 11.40pm

It's Not Where You Start, It's Where You Finish

It's Not Where You Start (It's Where You Finish)
Music by Cy Coleman
Lyrics by Dorothy Fields

If you start at the top, you're certain to drop.
You've got to watch your timing;
Better begin by climbing up, up, up the ladder.
If you're going to last, you can't make it fast, man,
Nobody starts a winner, give me a slow beginner.
Easy does it my friend, conserve your fine endurance,
Easy does it my friend, for that's your life insurance.

It's not where you start, it's where you finish,
It's not how you go, it's how you land.
A hundred to one shot, they call him a klutz,
Can outrun the fav'rite, all he needs is the guts.
Your final return will not diminish,
And you can be cream of the crop.
It's not where you start, it's where you finish,
And you're gonna finish on top.

Fantastic Goals!

There were a few International Friendlies played last night. Check out some of the spectacular goals scored! Thierry Henry is UNBELIEVABLE!

Supernumerary

"Momart is where private collections are put out to pasture, where works that are too big, too precious, too fragile or simply supernumerary to their owners' homes are discreetly tended by expert staff." -- Laura Cumming

Today's Word of the Day:

Supernumerary: exceeding what is necessary or needed; superfluous.

I'd like to draw a line of comparison between Momart and Soccer. While you have extravagant works that are "too big" and "too precious" at Momart, there are big-headed players on the pitch that are "too cocky" and "too skillful". I reckon these players should be put into "Socmart" and be discreetly tended by expert staff... they need constant attention and praise to feed their unquenchable egos.

I wagged another Phyio lecture today to play in MHS 07's first match in the 2nd Sem of the Campus Sports Futsal comp. (i should really stop wagging lectures). We were playing 5 on 6 because Stevie + Turk failed to rock up! (Stevie, you owe me an explanation bro. We slogged our guts out today)

Our opponents were "Team Europe". They were unexpectedly and unbelieveably skillful! haha! They looked like amateurs before the match, but they turned into absolute BEASTS on the pitch! They managed to take advantage of the extra man to grind a 2-1 victory against us :(

Caterpillars

Let's improve our vocab together. Philter's the word of the day. It refers to a magic potion that causes one to fall in love:

Some things you can feel coming. You don't fall in love because you fall in love; you fall in love because of the need, desperate, to fall in love. When you feel that need, you have to watch your step; like having drunk a philter, the kind that makes you fall in love with the first thing you meet. It could be a duck-billed platypus.
-- Umberto Eco

My weekend was sorta ruined cuz my NQA match was canceled due to the heavy rain which resulted in a waterlogged pitch that was deemed "unsafe" to play on -.-""" 3 weeks without soccer!

Had a short futal fix today with the soccer dudes. Campus Sport Futsal season starts again tomorrow! :) I'm looking forward to winning that trophy now that the Mauritians and the Turks aren't in the comp!

Oh, something UTTERLY DISGUSTING happened today. I started on my packed lunch on the train to Box Hill. I had some veg + rice in my mouth and i was happily chewing away until i noticed something peculiar in the veg. I proded the veg around looking intently at these 3 small figures; which turned out to be caterpillars!! LOL! At that moment, i couldn't believe what i saw and i continued to chew on the veg that was in my mouth! -.-"""""""""

YUM! I began to think to myself: "Am i a wuss? They're just caterpillars! After all, they're cooked!"

So yeah, in went the 3 caterpillars through the pink conveyor belt and into the white relentless choppers.. Green juice.. sweet, viscus, with a tinge of sour = yum! :)

Turns out.. i AM a wuss.

Camwhoring

Jan TRIED to hold a chin-up.. and failed miserably..

3D - Lame!

LOL - LOL LAME!

Yes, i totally forgot to blog about my camwhoring session with Ann, Jan and Sha. On a Sunday not too long ago, the Chin twins popped by our house to annoy us. I remember Jan rudely barging into my room while i was praying!

Anyway, Ann started playing around with my Mac.. and she's like "where's your Photo booth?"

Before i knew it, they started camwhoring with my Mac -.-" We took ~200 photos!! haha! Btw, they offered to pay me $50 plus a free movie ticket for camwhoring with them.

PS. Adri, you still owe me a homemade Chai Latte! :P

Lacie

My dad just got me a Lacie 500GB external hard drive. Ever since that "camwhoring" session with Jan, Ann and Sha, I've been rather conscious about the amount of available disk space left on my Mac. With the extra 500 gigs, i've got nothing to worry about! And i can start using Time Machine too! :)

It's been terribly cold these past few days - rainy and gloomy weather.. I've still got a little cough and cold lingering from last week that starting to really annoy me.

Gotta get back to studying for my mid sem next Monday!

Chasers - The Secret

I'm feeling a lil better today. I'm feeling rather cut right now cuz i'll probably have to miss my soccer match later this arvo. The match was canceled last week, i missed futsal with my friends yesterday, and i'll be missing today's match. Apparently, the flu virus is able to pass from the nose and throat region via blood and infect heart muscles. I'll still contemplating playing for 20mins or so.

This is one of the funniest vids i've ever seen! Check it out.

Amazing People

I decided to go down to Royal Talbot yesterday for my clinical placement despite my illness. I felt terribly sick after, but i'm still glad that i went because i got to meet 3 very special people. Janice and I were scheduled to be down at the Spinal department. For the sake of confidentiality, i won't be using the real names of these 3 very special patients.

The first person I met was Amy. She's ~45 yrs old and was admitted to the hospital after an unfortunate incident that severed her spine completely at L5. She was out in the forest gathering firewood with her brother. There was some miscommunication that took place. I wasn't too sure what happened, but i think her brother was meant to call out to her to make way before he felled a tree.Well, she didn't hear him this time and before she knew it the tree crushed her. She's now paraplegic with no control of her muscles from her waist down.

I say that she's special because she was very optismistic. She wasn't angry with her brother. She didn't hate God. Instead, she was telling Janice and I about her desire to get back to normal life in a wheelchair. She told us that she used to deliver letters for Australia Post AND fight fires for the Regional Fire Brigade! That's a very noble profession because they DON'T GET PAID! After she recovers she'll be doing a desk job for Australia Post and the Regional Fire Brigade. It was a pleasure talking to her about her past experiences working on a farm; milking cows and all.

The 2nd special person is James. He had a rather intimidating appearance - young (~early 30's), ear rings on each ear, blonde hair gelled back, and a rather rugged face that boasted many tough years. He was working in a steel manufacturing factory when a machine malfunctioned and crushed his spine at the C5 level. This means that he's lost control of both his legs and he's got minimal control of his arms.

James turned out to be a very funny and entertaining. Sure, he never once dwelt on his inabilities. He kept cracking funny jokes to lighten the mood. He would try extremely hard to do all the exercises that Theresa (the physio) prescribed. Again, he never expressed anger at the machine that crushed him or his employer. In fact, he's looking forward to going back to work with the same company to take on a teaching/mentoring role.

I think the 3rd person, Tim, is the most optimistic of the lot. He is the ultimate epitome of optimism; i've never seen anyone like him - ever. He's 35yrs old, works as a high-level manager for NAB, and trains as an elite athlete. He used to be an AFL referee till 2000, and he came in the top 20 in last year's Ironman competition. Cool eh? Who'd think that he would end up being a quadriplegic (paralysis in his legs and arms).

His story? A truck knocked him off his bicycle and sent him flying straight into a parked car; resulting in deep lacerations in his right arm and an incomplete fracture at the C3 region. He had a collar brace to protect another fracture at the base of the skull. He never once expressed a HINT of anger towards the truck driver. Instead, he was truly grateful that he was still alive; the fracture at the base of his skull was very close to his brain stem. He would have died almost instantaneously if his brain stem was damaged.

Tim remained optimistic about his situation. I asked him how long he'd been in rehab. He replied, "36 days". He'd been counting. He said that he was still in spinal shock and there was still a high chance that he would regain control of his limbs. (see, the fracture in his spine wasn't complete. The spine takes about 8-9 months before it is able to fully recover. Hence, Tim still had 7 months to regain control of his limbs; 7 months of hope).

Tim said that he was still young and had a lot to live for:

"I've got a wife and a daughter. I've got a good job. You know I used to be left-handed before this accident. And now i've got to use my right hand to do everything! How many people actually get to use one hand for half their life, and then their other hand for the 2nd half?"

Amazing. He had just regained control of his right foot and his right thumb the day before; and he was telling us all about it. THEN, he said something that pierced straight through my intellect right into my heart.

"You really have to care to be a Physio. I don't know many people who would do such a job."

I really wished then that God had unleashed gifts of healing. I really wanted to pray for him, and beg God to heal him. I wish God gave me healing hands. I wish I had a heart of true compassion.

These people have changed the way I look at life:

Am I optimistic? Or do I constantly drag others down pesimism with me?

Why am I complaining about my insufficiencies?

An accident could happen to me at ANY TIME. How would I deal with it?

Sick

A double rainbow over Crown casino (look carefully). This is the 2nd time that i've seen such a phenomenon this year. If a little vapour from a short drizzle could split the mild rays of a sunset to paint 2 breathtaking rainbows, i wonder how many rainbows God made for Noah after a storm that flooded the entire earth!

I can't paint a rainbow,
To brighten your overcast sky.
But I could stand with you through the rain,
Just to keep you dry.

"Take some panadol and get plenty of rest," was all the doctor could say. I didn't expect her to give me anything except my MC and maybe some antibiotics. I think this is the first time i walked out of a clinic without any antibiotics - fascinating.

Inflammation in my bronchioles. Slight fever. Muscle fatigue. Flu. Cough. All symptoms of a one of the nastiest viruses i've ever caught. I've never been hit so hard before. I was halfway through my PBL on Thursday when i felt a sudden onset of extreme muscle fatigue in my legs and arms. I'm not too fussed with the coughing and sneezing, but the muscle fatigue/ache really KILLS. I felt soo tired that I almost fainted. I grabbed a seat somewhere in the Law library and dozed off for a whole hour.

I've been sleeping SOOO much last night - from 8.30pm to 10.30am this morning. And then from 2pm to 3pm. I'd get up walk around for 30mins or so before fatigue overwhelmed me and forced me back to bed. I feel so weak and pathetic. I wanna do chin-ups. I wanna play soccer!! Shucks! i'm so weak that i can't even study! I'm bed-ridden!

Ahh.. I missed my prac session with the wet specimens today AND my futsal session with my soccer buds! :((((((((( I was really looking forward to it! I even rescheduled my 2nd torture session with Mike for this futsal session -.-"

The Olympics start today! That's something to look forward to at least :)